27 August 2009
[Severus Snape’s diary]
That bloody berk. Draco. Shows up for breakfast yesterday. The one ally of Harry Potter who was never apprehended and never imprisoned Apparates to Hogsmeade in broad daylight to visit the most infamous ex-prisoners of Azkaban without employing even a Disillusionment Charm.
Waltzes into our kitchen. Asks how we are. And when he discovers that you have fulfilled the conditions of your probation, he proclaims a party and proceeds to drag us into bed for an orgy that lasts all day and most of the night.
Well.
He is a Malfoy.
(And both of us went willingly.)
…He is no more sane than you and I. How could he be? The Chosen One loved him. He dropped his disguise for Draco. The Boy-Who-Lived became the Boy-Who-Died to save his lover’s life.
Still, in my bitter waking hours at Azkaban it would have been a comfort to know that he succeeded. That another life entrusted into my care was spared.
—I know.
I know.
I was never as angry at Harry as in those final moments of his life. When I believed his love had not saved, but killed all of us.
Now, eleven years later, I realise that maybe he
Maybe there was no other way.
At least, in the end
Though none of us, neither you nor I (nor Harry or Draco) thought that
In any case, I have forgiven him.
Both of them.
A relief—a respite—I did not expect. But that way, I can give him—and you—both of you—my blessing.
…considering who I am, that term is sacrilegious.
Not my blessing than.
But certainly my approval. And my gratitude.
It is logical. It is the best, and, as matters stand, the only solution.
You will have your life.
I shall have my death.
And both Draco and I will have you.
(In a way.)
…You and Draco are still asleep, curled around each other like kittens in a basket. Scrawny grimalkins, comforting each other—and thus, myself. So I mustn’t sneer. Particularly since I’m the scarecrow who woke ensconced between you. Extricating myself from your embraces was quite the slithering feat.
If not Slytherin enough.
Here comes Draco.
…I don’t know if Draco lost all Slytherin subtlety during that decade in his lighthouse, or if his tactics have become truly devious now.
He shouted at me until you came running. Then he shoved my diary at you.
You took it, but you didn’t read it. (You have always respected me.)
I nodded.
You have the right to know.
…Your reaction would have been the ultimate joy of my life once. Now it destroys all my hopes.
You cannot be without me.
You—crumbled. My mind shuttered, I waited for Draco to comfort you. Neither his endearments nor his embrace helped. You rocked back and forth; your eyes empty; your mind counting something I cannot fathom.
Suddenly you stopped.
“I understand,” you said.
We went back to bed then. What else was there to do?
Well! I must say I’m impressed by this development. As unlikely as these things are to occur, this kind of upsprung friendship where there was only the opposite before can and does happen. You portrayed it quite nicely, and I’m also glad it’s a positive plot point. Good things happen even to people who are depressed and have gone through the mill. I hope this means there’s some hope!
Too bad the picture at the top of the chapter gave it away. Seeing Maggie Smith as McGonagall in the (admittedly nicely-done) artwork at the top took all the dramatic force away from the end of the chapter. Still a positive development, though, even if it wasn’t a surprise. I’m glad for Hermione, and by extension, for Severus.
Ah, Christ, I can feel you sharpening your knives for another gloom-fest. Only five more chapters left, and already I can feel you poking holes in whatever limited happiness or security they’ve found.
Amazing! A happy ending! I love it! See–hope isn’t so bad, is it? It does seem a trifle sudden, your ending. And we never did find out about the mystery woman. But I feel able to let our Hermione and Severus go, knowing that whatever further vicissitudes they face, they have each other on a more solid, saner basis. Thank you for your writing, and thank you for the hope you left our favorite couple (and us!) with.
I had wanted to delete the third review I left (“Ah, Christ…”), but I’ve been having problems with my computer, and it didn’t allow me to send my reasons back to you, so it (the deletion) could be done. I had read “Apprentice & Necromancer” first, and was deeply disturbed by how damaged so many of the characters had been at the end of that fic. I was therefore afraid that any positives that were about to jell in this story were all going to fall apart, instead. Once I came to the end of this and found it wasn’t going to end badly for them (yay!), I was sorry I’d been so negative in that third review. So I ask your pardon, and that you disregard that one. You really are quite a special writer, and even though I hated the fact my fictional friends suffered so badly by the finish of “A&N”, I must say your plotting is excellent, and so are your characterizations. I will come back to read more of your writing. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us!
Nice to see that you’re still reading!
One thing puzzles me: You must surely be aware that the characters in “Prisoners” are much, much more damaged than those in “Apprentice”.
Of course “Apprentice” leaves key-characters badly damaged … they have been to Death and back, after all. But that story has an ending that assures readers that yes, everything will be just fine one day, this is something we can cope with, eventually.
While in “Prisoners” the challenge of the plot is met, and superficially the characters and readers are rewarded with a fairly straightforward “happy ending”, the story is really much, much worse if you take a moment to think about it. There is no way back, no matter how much they heal. Hermione will for the rest of her life live under the compulsion of counting things. Severus will in times of crisis always drift off to his parallel world. They will always remain unable to live in an emotionally stable fashion without Draco anchoring them …
I don’t mind at all that you dislike or even “hate” the dark turns and twists of my story/stories. Some people like sweet milk chocolate, others like bitter dark chocolate, it’s as simple as that – different tastes and preferences.
Anyway, from your remarks I gather that you might be interested in hearing a bit about my motivation concerning my stories, so here are a few comments about that:
What I loathe in many fanfiction stories in various fandoms is how authors make light of consequences. People are tortured, traumatised, injured … and there are no consequences. Everyone is right as rain again in one and the same chapter. Personally, I find that not only ridiculous and boring, but somewhat despicable. It doesn’t work like that. As a reader, and therefore also as a writer, I’m simply not interested in fluffy lies, I’m in it for the hard-won happy ending, like the one I wrote for “Apprentice” … I prefer characters who have looked, heck, *jumped into* the abyss of despair and have crawled out of it again and persevered. I am interested in how characters will act when they are pushed far beyond their limits, and how that will change them, and how they will move on from there.
So if you’re looking for fluff, you will rarely find that kind of thing in my stories. But I do try to come up with interesting, twisty plots, and heroes who find the strength to go on no matter what.