15 August 2009
[Hermione Snape’s diary]
Again no luck finding a job.
Though it went better than yesterday. I didn’t freeze in the middle of the sidewalk (yes, there is a sidewalk in Hogsmeade now, properly paved), caught by lines and squares like a little fly in an enormous spider’s web until Severus found me late in the afternoon.
Today I managed to reach the bookshop. “Pince’s Books”. The proprietor is one Inigo Pince. I wonder if he’s related to the late Irma Pince (second column from the right, thirteenth square from the window, right where my pillow would have been if there was such a thing in Azkaban). He certainly has her vulture-sharp looks and volatile temper. Maybe a nephew? Madam Pince told me once that the books were her children, so I assume she had none of her own. (Except the books.) I did not get a chance to inquire; Mr Pince does not employ ex-prisoners. Not even to vanish the contents of his latrine, and much less to come close enough to his precious books to Charm the windows.
Even that short glance at the books through the dirty windows from outside—Mr Pince never invited me in, but preferred to interview me on the sidewalk, a spectacle for all passers-by—was painful. Not as painful as thinking of Harry, or Ron, or even of Madam Pince. But the sight of all those tomes, hardcovers, paperbacks, neatly arranged on shelves and tables caused a dull ache to spread through my body. I have not held a book since before Azkaban. Eleven years or 135 months or 589 weeks or 4,124 days or 98,976 hours I have not held or read a book. There was no time for reading books at Draco’s. And while our new home came fully furnished—including dishes, pots, pans, pillows, sheets, and even garden tools—, the shelves in the living room are empty.
I admit I enjoy the pain of the blood quill for the sake of a page of new parchment under my fingers every day. For the pure joy and sweet agony of writing, of forming letters—every day more evenly, more easily. But my left hand is getting worse; weeping pus, never scabbing over before I pick up the quill again. I know Severus worries how I’ll be able to find any job that way, with handicap piled upon handicap…
Still, I’m not giving up. Not until I’m back in my cell.
After cleaning windows at the bookshop fell through, I went back to the post office, counting houses and fence posts and doing my best to ignore the flagstones of the sidewalk.
The post mistress allowed me to demonstrate my talents at Cleaning Charms in the Owlery. Contrary to what I would have thought eleven years or 135 months or 589 weeks or 4,124 days or 98,976 hours ago, that does take skill. You must not disturb the roosting owls, but scour everything to perfection all the same.
I am supposed to come back tomorrow.
Well! I must say I’m impressed by this development. As unlikely as these things are to occur, this kind of upsprung friendship where there was only the opposite before can and does happen. You portrayed it quite nicely, and I’m also glad it’s a positive plot point. Good things happen even to people who are depressed and have gone through the mill. I hope this means there’s some hope!
Too bad the picture at the top of the chapter gave it away. Seeing Maggie Smith as McGonagall in the (admittedly nicely-done) artwork at the top took all the dramatic force away from the end of the chapter. Still a positive development, though, even if it wasn’t a surprise. I’m glad for Hermione, and by extension, for Severus.
Ah, Christ, I can feel you sharpening your knives for another gloom-fest. Only five more chapters left, and already I can feel you poking holes in whatever limited happiness or security they’ve found.
Amazing! A happy ending! I love it! See–hope isn’t so bad, is it? It does seem a trifle sudden, your ending. And we never did find out about the mystery woman. But I feel able to let our Hermione and Severus go, knowing that whatever further vicissitudes they face, they have each other on a more solid, saner basis. Thank you for your writing, and thank you for the hope you left our favorite couple (and us!) with.
I had wanted to delete the third review I left (“Ah, Christ…”), but I’ve been having problems with my computer, and it didn’t allow me to send my reasons back to you, so it (the deletion) could be done. I had read “Apprentice & Necromancer” first, and was deeply disturbed by how damaged so many of the characters had been at the end of that fic. I was therefore afraid that any positives that were about to jell in this story were all going to fall apart, instead. Once I came to the end of this and found it wasn’t going to end badly for them (yay!), I was sorry I’d been so negative in that third review. So I ask your pardon, and that you disregard that one. You really are quite a special writer, and even though I hated the fact my fictional friends suffered so badly by the finish of “A&N”, I must say your plotting is excellent, and so are your characterizations. I will come back to read more of your writing. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us!
Nice to see that you’re still reading!
One thing puzzles me: You must surely be aware that the characters in “Prisoners” are much, much more damaged than those in “Apprentice”.
Of course “Apprentice” leaves key-characters badly damaged … they have been to Death and back, after all. But that story has an ending that assures readers that yes, everything will be just fine one day, this is something we can cope with, eventually.
While in “Prisoners” the challenge of the plot is met, and superficially the characters and readers are rewarded with a fairly straightforward “happy ending”, the story is really much, much worse if you take a moment to think about it. There is no way back, no matter how much they heal. Hermione will for the rest of her life live under the compulsion of counting things. Severus will in times of crisis always drift off to his parallel world. They will always remain unable to live in an emotionally stable fashion without Draco anchoring them …
I don’t mind at all that you dislike or even “hate” the dark turns and twists of my story/stories. Some people like sweet milk chocolate, others like bitter dark chocolate, it’s as simple as that – different tastes and preferences.
Anyway, from your remarks I gather that you might be interested in hearing a bit about my motivation concerning my stories, so here are a few comments about that:
What I loathe in many fanfiction stories in various fandoms is how authors make light of consequences. People are tortured, traumatised, injured … and there are no consequences. Everyone is right as rain again in one and the same chapter. Personally, I find that not only ridiculous and boring, but somewhat despicable. It doesn’t work like that. As a reader, and therefore also as a writer, I’m simply not interested in fluffy lies, I’m in it for the hard-won happy ending, like the one I wrote for “Apprentice” … I prefer characters who have looked, heck, *jumped into* the abyss of despair and have crawled out of it again and persevered. I am interested in how characters will act when they are pushed far beyond their limits, and how that will change them, and how they will move on from there.
So if you’re looking for fluff, you will rarely find that kind of thing in my stories. But I do try to come up with interesting, twisty plots, and heroes who find the strength to go on no matter what.