9. ‘The Penis Dialogues’ or: Would they really SAY that?
(And if they did, should they say it in your story, too?)
An essential part of good writing is good dialogue. A scene gains life if the voices of your characters ring true.
Writing good dialogue is difficult even in ‘normal’ fiction.
Dialogue doesn’t work like real people talking. Too much realism—trailing off, awkward pauses, ’empty’ words, incomplete sentences, repetitions of questions—all of that make dialogue difficult to read. Sol Stein writes:[1] ‘Dialogue…is not a recording of actual speech; it is a semblance of speech, an invented language of exchanges that build in tempo or content toward climaxes.’
But dialogue in sex scenes, and especially during sex, is even more difficult.
Dialogue during sex?
It starts with deciding if there should be dialogue at all. Because, let’s face it:
- How much do people talk while they are having sex?
- And if they talk during sex, what do they say?
One very simple (but in most cases probably accurate) assumption states that if people can still discuss tomorrow’s dinner or last night’s presidential debate during sex…then the sex isn’t any good.
So what do people say when the sex is good?
A joke[2] may serve as an example:
Did you know there are four different types of orgasms?
They are:
The positive orgasm: ‘Oh yes, ohh yesss, OH YESSSS!’
The negative orgasm: ‘Oh no, ohh nooo, OH NOOO!’
The spiritual orgasm: ‘Oh god, ohh god, OH GOD!’
The fake orgasm: ‘Oh Jeff, ohh Jefff, OH JEFFF!’…which is probably not as funny if your name is Fred…
Onomatopoeic noises-grunting, moaning, gasping—are far more realistic than flowery pornographical exclamations such as ‘Ride me, you wicked warrior!’. Unfortunately, they rather defy writing. It’s nearly impossible to convey such sounds accurately. And a reasonable imitation is either very funny…or very boring.
Clichéd cries of ‘Oh God!’ during climax may be realistic, but like all clichés they should be used sparingly.
Where dialogue is concerned, less is definitely more during sex!
‘Girly Men’
A particular dialogue problem to watch for is men in slash stories who talk and behave like women. Men are still men, whether gay or straight.
As Minotaur says on his Sex Tips for Slash Writers site:
‘One thing to be wary of is writing one partner as the “wife”. Men, even gay men, are trained to be less emotionally open, less demonstrative. Yes, we do feel, and even occasionally cry, but gay men are every bit as emotionally closeted as their straight counterparts. Think of all the troubles you have in your relationships with men, and then double them. Instead of just one partner being distant, uncommunicative and emotionally stunted, both are.’
Dialogue ‘before’ and ‘after’ sex
Dialogue before and after characters have sex can be crucial for the success of your scene, because it can do what dialogue always can accomplish.
- Dialogue can advance action, heighten conflicts and create tension. Before a sex scene dialogue can carry your characters practically into bed. After the climax it can show what has changed.
- Dialogue can help you set the mood and create atmosphere. Dialogue can develop characters. Dialogue—what they say and how they say it, including endearments!—can show how your characters feel about each other, about having sex, or what having sex has changed between them.
- Dialogue can help you connect a sex scene with the rest of your story.
TIP!
- Dialogue during sex: Less is more and short is sweet. Don’t overdo clichéd exclamations and noises. Stay with your characters and their feelings.
- Dialogue before and after sex: Use it to get the characters into and out of bed, out of and back into the rest of the story!
[1] Sol Stein, Stein on Writing, Chapter 11: The Secrets of Good Dialogue, St. Martin’s Griffin New York, 1995.
[2] Thanks to Mike Kellner for the joke.