5. Description: The weeping cock—and other symptoms of STDs
We experience our world and each other through (at least) five senses.
You can:
- feel
- hear
- see
- smell
- taste
And your senses are some of your best writing tools!
Like a painter uses colours, you can use sensuous impressions to describe a sensual, an erotic scene. Descriptive, sensuous writing means sensual, erotic reading.
And don’t confuse ‘descriptive writing’ with ‘show, don’t tell’!
Compare:
He was hard. She pressed against him and told him that she needed him.
That is ‘narrative summary’ and ‘telling’ instead of ‘showing’.
His cock was thick, the skin was flushed from his erection, two or three shades darker than the rest of his body. She couldn’t wait to feel him inside of her!
Quickly, she closed the distance between them, pulling James into a tight embrace. Between them, she could feel him twitching against her stomach, so hot!
She inhaled deeply. His scent-bergamot and lemon, mixed with a hint of sweat-made her heart beat faster.
‘I need you,’ she whispered.
That is a descriptive style and ‘showing’ instead of ‘telling’.
The problem with descriptive language in sex scenes is something else: STD-symptoms instead of realistic descriptions and purple prose.
- The weeping cock and the dripping pussy may be the staple of trashy romance novels, but seriously—in real life they are cause for concern and not for arousal! Copious discharge is more often a symptom for a sexually transmitted disease or urinary incontinence than erotic reactions.
- A weeping cock or litres of pre-cum-are your readers supposed to think of gonorrhoea?
- Sodden undies and drenched curls—did she pee into her knickers or does she have a yeast infection? Even if she’s one of the women who can ejaculate, her panties will only end up soaked after she came. Not before.
- As for shooting off ‘hot come’ by the gallon—the volume of an average ejaculation is 1.5 to 5 millilitres. Or in other words: up to one teaspoonful. Oh, and it’s slightly below body temperature. Boiling semen would be counterproductive in terms of procreation…
Just don’t do that. Please.
Also, you really don’t need to!
Completely ordinary sex is quite messy enough. And good sex is even messier.
There are bodily fluids. You get sticky and smelly. You bump heads and pull hair. Bodies engaged in ‘the dance as old as time’ can make the strangest noises. Upon closer inspection certain body parts look just plain weird.
In other words, you’ve got more than enough to play with—without resorting to romance novel lingo!
Opinions vary considerably concerning how much realistic graphic details should be included in sex scenes. Some believe that bodily fluids should never be mentioned. Others think that it’s perfectly fine to have sweat and smeared semen in sex scenes and to describe just how strange body parts and sex acts can look, since all of that is true for sex in real life, too.
What it comes down to is that there are no rules about which or how much realistic graphic details to include in sex scenes. But it is a good idea to keep in mind that graphic realism—especially concerning taste and scent—may repulse some readers.
Another problem of descriptive language in sex scenes is ‘purple prose’ and fanciful descriptive euphemisms. For example: ‘the flower of her innocence’, the ‘ripe cherries on her creamy mounds’, ‘his straining shaft’, ‘turgid manhood’, ‘he was hard as steel’ and similar awful phrases.
Beware of overly flowery language: it will make both gardeners and editors reach for the pruning shears—OUCHIE!
TIP!
- Sensuous writing is sensual reading. Use all of your five senses! Let your characters and your readers see, feel, taste, smell and hear! Write with attention to detail!
- But don’t overdo it! Exaggerated graphic descriptions can gross out readers and create very wrong impressions. Avoid clichés. Purple prose can go painfully wrong.