6. Word choice: Naughty bits for beginners and advanced learners
Since we’re already on the topic of word choice in terms of sex scenes, we can move right along:
Word choice can make a sex scene flow or fail!
The trouble with word choice in sex scenes, especially terms for ‘naughty bits’ is that readers and writers alike often feel that there simply are no good words the body parts involved. Either the words are too abstract and sound very clinical, and rather as if the characters are in a doctor’s office and not in bed. Or the words come across as crude and dirty.
Quim or cunt positively scream off the page. And penis and vagina often don’t come across in a sexy and sensual manner, but rather clinical and sterile. And to make things worse, many readers have strong likes and dislikes concerning certain terms for body parts.
Comparisons and euphemisms are often horribly clichéd purple prose.
Examples:
- nipples like cherries, strawberries or…the tips of pencil erasers?
- turgid manhoods, love wands…combat rods or joysticks?
Unfortunately, there is no easy method for getting those words right.
One solution is to simply avoid naming body parts. Often, this is an elegant way out of this dilemma.
His penis pressed against her stomach, hard and hot.
Given that the reader already knows that the scene is about a man and a woman, both are aroused and naked, you can also write:
He pressed against her stomach, hard and hot.
Everybody will know what’s what.
But sometimes, especially when your sex scene contains specific actions and sensations, this way of writing around the act can end up feeling artificial and prudish. And that can destroy the sexy mood you’ve been trying to build up in your scene.
Sadly there are very few good ‘neutral’ words you can use in that situation. Member, length or arousal maybe. Her most intimate place. Her most sensitive spot.
So what can you do if you really need to say what’s what?
Point of view can help with word choice!
Things are easier when you write a solid limited third person point of view. Then you can take a step back, consider your hero or your heroine and decide what they would call the body parts in question in their minds and in conversation.
Example:
Hermione Granger is the child of doctors. Yes, they are only dentists, but chances are that they will have a much more ‘matter-of-factly’ attitude towards what’s what. She’s also a bookworm and a budding academic.
For her it is absolutely in character to think of and speak of, penis, vagina and clitoris.
The vocabulary of Sam Gamgee, a Hobbit and a gardener in a fantasy world, is likely to be more rural. He could easily think of a cock, and of ploughing her furrows.
One thing you should pay attention to is that language and word choice you use in your sex scene fits the rest of your story.
If most of your narrative is written in a formal style, if you like unusual, beautiful and difficult words, then a sex scene that’s all about quim, cunt, cock, dick and fuck, will stand out like a sore thumb. It will make your readers recoil. It will jerk your readers out of your story and leave them high and dry. On the other hand: If your style is informal, if your characters already use some slang in dialogue, if it fits your characters to think of cock, cunt and fuck, even shy readers won’t object (too much).
TIP!
Word choice is very important. Terms for body parts can positively SCREAM off your page. Clinical terms destroy the mood. Flowery euphemisms are unintentionally funny.
Decide carefully on your vocabulary in sex scenes.
- Often it is not even necessary to use graphic terms for body parts. You can write around the naughty bits and simply use ‘he’ and ‘she’.
- If you want to or have to get more explicit, think of your POV character. What would he or she call the naughty bits in his/her mind? In conversation?