Chapters 181-190

Guidance

‘It’s an—’

‘Hedwig!’

Harry lurched forward, tearing off the Invisibility Cloak and nearly wrenching loose from Severus’ grasp. Somehow Severus managed to thrust his wand into the bandolier with the Necromantic bells. He lunged and clung with both hands to Harry’s arm.

Meanwhile, the white owl circled overhead, before she descended and alit on Harry’s left forearm.

‘Hedwig! Oh, Hedwig!’ Harry cried and slumped down on his knees so suddenly that he dragged Severus with him, almost severing their connection again. The owl ruffled her feathers and opened her beak in a voiceless hoot of comfort. Harry crooned to the bird, meaningless monosyllables of sentimental attachment.

‘Bloody hell, Potter! What do you think you’re doing with that blasted bird?’ Severus shouted and recoiled, when the damn soul of an owl pecked at him, silently, but viciously.

Harry glared at him. ’If you haven’t noticed yet,’ he said sweetly, ‘I’m welcoming our guide, Sev.’

‘I will call you “Potter” if you act like that hot-headed idiot who spawned you,’ Severus spat. ‘How many times did I tell you before we passed beyond the Veil that you MUST NOT LET GO of my damn hand while we’re here?’

His knees were bruised and throbbed with pain from hitting the ground with no way to break his fall. His arms were shaking due to the twisted position he was forced into to keep a good hold on Harry. He fought the impulse to shove Harry away and storm off. In the end Severus even tightened his hold, while he stared down at the grey mint plants before him, counting his heartbeats until he regained control over his temper.

‘Have you realised—Harry—that neither Miss Weasley nor Hermione have even attempted to make me promise to bring you back alive?’ Severus asked with a dangerous hint of silk in his voice, although the temptation to ultimately give in to his anger had passed.

‘What?’ Harry managed to tear his eyes away from the owl on his arm. ‘Why?’

‘They do not trust me to be able to protect you from yourself.’

‘What?’ Now those brilliant green eyes (Why did they have to remind him of Lily again right now, right here?) burned with righteous indignation. Severus winced. That was not how he’d meant his words, that was not what he’d wanted to say, not at all; he only wanted him to understand, to be careful. This was not a bloody picnic, after all! Merlin, Nimuë and Circe, why is it that all my interactions with that boy are cursed from the start?

‘What?’ Harry repeated. ‘But they know I trust you! They know you’ve protected me at Hogwarts from day one, no matter that you’ve been downright nasty about it. And I know that Hermione loves you!’

Severus stared at Harry, flummoxed by that outburst. ‘No. No, strangely, that is not the issue. Not at all,’ he said softly, bewildered at Harry’s reaction. ‘It’s something else entirely. They did not say it, they did not even have to say it—but they are afraid that something like what almost happened a moment ago would happen.’ Severus raised his eyebrows slightly, then he nodded first at the snow-white owl perched on Harry’s arm before raising their hands, miraculously still linked together. Harry’s hand was turning hot and sweaty in his grasp. ‘Your fiancée, my wife, your friends, they are worried that even though you are nearly a full-fledged auror—or supposed to be, at least,’ he sneered, ‘that you’ll still act first and –’

Harry frowned. By now not only Severus’ knees were throbbing with pain. A pounding headache had settled in his temples. He shook his head in mute frustration.

‘—and that, this time around, I won’t get the chance to think about my rash acts and impulsive behaviour later?’ Harry finished Severus’ sentence.

Severus nodded weakly. After a moment’s consideration he slowly removed his right hand from Harry’s arm again and shifted his weight away from his bruised knees. He watched while Harry continued to stroke the apparition of his owl. At least Harry appeared to be contemplating his conclusion of Severus’ sentence.

‘She’s all that was good about my childhood, you know,’ Harry said suddenly. ‘Hedwig. Hagrid gave her to me, to make up for all of my birthdays he’d missed before I got my letter. I don’t think I ever got a present that meant more to me. Except maybe that broom that Sirius sent to me.’ Severus couldn’t suppress a scowl, but Harry just grinned. Abruptly, Harry asked, ‘What was the best thing about your childhood, Severus?’

Severus stared that snowy owl. Not much of a symbol for a childhood, he reflected. But strangely fitting for a boy who hadn’t been allowed to have much of a childhood at all. He wanted to give a scathing reply, something along the line of ‘That’s none of your business, Potter.’ However, sitting as they were on the Fields of Asphodel beyond the Veil that seemed petty even to him.

‘Lily,’ he answered at last. ‘Your mother. She was the best part of my childhood. And for many years, of my life.’ He was astonished to discover that he smiled when he spoke her name.

‘That’s great,’ Harry said. The honest warmth in Harry’s voice stunned Severus.

‘Maybe…one day…you might tell me about…’ Harry trailed off, with a little awkward shrug.

After a long moment of silence, Severus replied, ‘Maybe one day I could.’

‘Umm, right.’ Harry shifted awkwardly. ‘About my acting rashly, sir—could you maybe use that variety of the Incarcerous that you developed to uh…tie us together? Just in case I do something stupid again.’

‘That is actually a good idea.’ Severus raised his wand. Thin leather thongs slithered from its tip and wound themselves around their joined hands and fingers.

‘Very well,’ he said finally. ‘Maybe you could ask our guide to show us the way to Albus Dumbledore now?’