“Tamer’s Tale” by JunoMagic

9. A Man and a Woman

She raised her hand and gazed at it in wonder. “I only see my hand when I look at it. Just a hand! Thumb, fingers, the wound from burning myself last week when I snatched the pot from the fire just in time.”

He caught her hand and held it. “You forget that I am the wizard. There are many things I see; things that were, things that are, and things that will be.”

“Are you not the master of your own fate?” She had thought he must be, that he at least must be free to do as he would.

“Ahhh…” The sigh held a hint of laughter. “Master of my fate! Maybe! But what of the fates of countless others? What of them?”

“But what about you? Are you not one of them, too?” That anger she had felt for him flared anew.

“I am many things,” he replied. Then he stepped closer to her, drawing her against him by pressing her hand against his heart. “Many things, Tamer. I have been many things. But only now I shall also become a man. Come now; let words and fortunes rest and gift me your lips and your hands and your body.”

She swayed against him and offered him his lips. His hands reached for her hips and pulled her ever closer to his body. His mouth met hers in deep sigh.

oooOooo

When he felt the heated silk of her lips part willingly for him, he felt the fates turn.

As feelings such as he had never known overwhelmed him, he was not wizard anymore, not servant, not master, but man.

He led her up the stairs and into that small room under the roof of the cottage. He undressed her and shed his robes. He would not have known what to do as a wizard; for once he would have been lost, despite all his lore and all his power.

But as a man he knew. His hands knew how to cup her breasts, his lips knew how to trace kisses from her throat to her deepest places, his tongue knew how to spark her desire, his arms knew how to hold her, and his body knew how to take her.

His release was so powerful that, had he not worn his human form, it would have utterly destroyed the island of Himling, foundering the last remains of Maedhros’ fortress in a blinding explosion of that Flame, which sparked the first life of Arda and sparks life still.

She screamed and writhed against him, all but consumed.

When they lay in each other’s arms, spent, clinging to each other in exhausted tenderness, fortunes had changed.

Power had been lost.

Life had been given.

Many roads lead to the future with each breath and each heartbeat. Even if the final outcome remains uncertain, where life is, there is always hope.

oooOooo

“Why are you crying?” she asked and trailed her fingertips down his cheeks. In spite of some initial pain, she had not cried.

He pressed her naked body against him and inhaled the warm scent of sated desire, the musky fragrance of semen, the tart mingling of their sweat.

“I have lost my form to you,” he replied calmly. “I will never again be what I was, and how I was made; now I will always be wizard and always be man. But I am glad of it: glad! That is the reason for my tears.”

“Then let me make you gladder still,” she whispered and moved astride him.

He laughed; a deep, husky laugh, velvet and steel, the laugh of a man who loves a woman—and reached for her once more.

oooOooo

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A/N: In Tolkien’s essay “Osanwe kenta” the problem of Ainu and the way they are bound to a certain hröa; it seems that although Eru did not forbid the Ainu (including the Maiar) to use their body to eat/drink/have sex, all those activities bind the feä to that particular hröa – and most of all, the begetting of a child. This is at what I am playing here. Gandalf’s sacrifice for the future is his true form. Within the boundaries of my AU this is what makes Gandalf more vulnerable to the Balrog in Moria, but makes him also understand love, what Saruman could not.

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