How Can You Still Touch Me?
Severus put down his mug. His fingers strayed to his forehead again. Hermione hated to see him so weary and worried. She almost winced with embarrassment, when she realised that she had likely added to his load yet again with her selfish quest for dangerous knowledge.
Hermione rose to her feet and quietly moved behind him. She reached for his head and drew it gently against the back of the chair. She hesitated a moment. Then she gingerly smoothed back his hair and began to massage his head. Severus inhaled sharply and stiffened. But when she didn’t react, and only kept rubbing his head and temples with careful, light movements, he exhaled deeply. After a while she could feel how he relaxed under the delicate circles her fingertips were drawing on his skull.
To her surprise, Severus’ hair wasn’t all that greasy. It was slick and lank, but most of all it was very, very fine, almost feathery, and so black that it shone with blue highlights as she parted it with her fingers. Hermione decided she rather liked feeling him like that, the curve of his skull, those fine strands. The slow rhythm of the massage also soothed the frantic circuits of thoughts and worries in her mind and calmed her racing heart.
Her fingers caressed his temples and smoothed his forehead. Would he mind if she bent down and kissed him? But suddenly Severus reached up and captured her hands. He drew her down towards him until she was sitting on the right-hand armrest. But to her surprise that position still didn’t satisfy him. Only when her head was resting on his shoulder, he appeared content. Now his fingers found their way into her hair, tenderly tracing her temple, the curve of her ear, down her neck, stroking her, almost meditatively curling and uncurling her hair. Each touch made her skin tingle and her stomach tighten. But she kept still and didn’t demand more than he would give her. The moment was too precious.
Abruptly he stilled the movement of his hand.
‘Gryffindors,’ he murmured. ‘I’ll never understand them. How can you still touch me, Hermione? Now that you know? How can you stand to let me touch you?’
She sighed. ‘As I understand necromancy you cannot really learn all that much about it. It is rather a very special talent. Like being a Metamorphmagus. Either you’re born that way or not.’
Hermione drew back so she could face Severus. The bleak look in his eyes wrenched her heart. She would rather see him smirk and sneer than witness such misery. She studied his face, so carefully devoid expression. Only the absolute blackness of his eyes betrayed the depth of his despair.
Her heart skipped a beat when realisation struck her. Severus was allowing her to see beyond his ever-present armour of sarcasm and scorn. He trusted her with his despair.
She sighed deeply and reached for his hands. She curled her fingers around his hands and held them as tightly as she could. The touch was almost painful. She met his eyes without flinching.
‘Why should it change anything?’
She shifted her position and leant over, until her lips hovered over his. She allowed herself to sink into his fathomless gaze and kissed him.
At first she just brushed over his thin, cool lips. Her touch grew firmer. She teased and stroked until he parted his lips and allowed her inside. Her tongue slid into his mouth. The hard, smooth edge of his teeth. Warm wetness. Touch of tongue. Taste of tenderness. She twined her tongue around his, trailed along the sides, delved below…and at last had to come up for air with a gasp.
She could feel him against the side of her thigh, hard, pulsing even through the fabric of his trousers. But when she made to reach for him, he stopped her.
‘Much as I desire you,’ Severus murmured. ‘This is not the right time.’
He drew a shaky breath. ‘I think I am…aware now that you…’
‘That I’m still willing to touch you? To be touched by you?’ Hermione provided, grateful to see that the despair had faded from his eyes. Instead his expression wavered between amazement and exasperation.
‘That much is obvious even to an old fool such as I am,’ he said and tightened his embrace.
‘May I see the bell?’
Severus started and pushed her away a little, so he could look at her face. His hair surrounded his face in a dishevelled black halo. His pale cheeks were slightly flushed. Even his lips had gained some colour from the fierceness of her kisses.
‘If you think you can…what is it that your contemporaries deign to call this again?’ He faked a thoughtful expression, trailing his mouth with the tip of his right index-finger, while keeping a firm hold of her back with his left hand. ‘… if you think you can, as they say, ‘snog me senseless’ in order to lure me into inappropriate concessions, you are sorely mistaken, Hermione.’
‘If that’s what you think this was about, then—’ Hermione started indignantly.
‘Hush,’ he murmured. ‘I know it was not, silly. It seems I still need to adapt to your straightforward style of conversation.’ Severus sighed. ‘To answer your question: I don’t have the bell. I ensured that it will remain silent, that it doesn’t pose a danger to anyone at the moment. Then I returned it to Alina.’
Hermione frowned. ‘But why did you do that? If it’s that dangerous…’
‘As you very correctly observed, necromancy is tied to blood. The Room of Requirement could give that bell to Alina only because it is tied to her blood. While I could wield it if I must, it is not my place to do so.’
‘But—’ Hermione’s mind was reeling with the consequences that calm statement entailed. ‘But,’ she whispered, ‘that would mean Alina’s father was at Hogwarts once!’
Oh, Chartres cathedral! What a perfect destination!
I visited there in high school when on the exchange program. It was the first cathedral I ever visited, and I shall never forget the feeling of amazement!
They are working on restoring the windows at the moment. I think they will be done in 2011/2012 … can’t wait to see it again then, all bright like at the time it was built.
I loved your story… so far. But Severus Snape in a church? Oh my, quite OOC, but OK, he needed someone to talk to, so I drop the topic.
BUt this punishment for Alina is rather brutal. And for what? That a half-Keazle cat disappeared for two days? C’mooooon…. And Ginny was standing there and watching? What happened to your characters? They were sooo perfect! Especially Snape, and now this chatedral, or church, or whatever…
Ok, I’ll read on, just wanted to tell my thoughts.
Thank you for spending time with my story. Thank you even more for taking the time to leave a comment! I’m glad you enjoy it so far.
Why shouldn’t Snape visit a church? And where in canon does it say he wouldn’t? 😉
Re: Alina’s punishment – I’d be shocked if you didn’t think it harsh!
However … even at “Muggle” boarding schools traditions of hazing and punishment among students are incredibly cruel and harsh in real life. JKR chose to ignore that part of public school tradition; I decided against that. The shock and revulsion you (hopefully) feel are quite intentional.
Please feel free to offer your thoughts any time, I’m always curious about what my readers think. Even if I don’t agree with them. 😉
Oh, don’t get me wrong! Of course it is not impossible for him to go a place like a church, I just feel like it’s wierd.
And as for Alina, yes, I felt shock. That was oh, ‘harsh’ is not the right word. But the most shocking thing was that Ginny was standing there and watching, without a word.
So I was relieved when she told the whole thing to Hermione.
And that part with McGonagoll, and keep your stupid cup, LOL 😀 Loved that.
That’s fine, really. 🙂 I am trying to portray Severus as a character with unexpected depths, after all.
I have read your story on fanfiction.net a while back but I really like this version better. it gives a lot more… structure? character? feeling? to the story.. I am unable to describe the exact thing.. but still.
Good work all around..
I am thrilled that you’re enjoying the way I present my story here! And what a wonderful compliment that you came back to read it again. w00t
I love Chartres Cathedral. I wrote a paper on it for Art History class and found that the Masons built many esoteric features into it. When I actually was fortunate enough to visit it in person, it had a spiritual effect on me. I visited many other cathedrals in France that trip, and none of them made me feel the way that one did.
I’m so glad Severus took Hermione there. Still not sure why he would, but your Severus seems full of surprises. I’m sure, given time, he will grow to love her as much as she does him. He is well on his way already.
Great story.
Chartres is amazing. 🙂
Re: Severus – in canon he always struck me as a man of many (surprising) secrets. So I enjoyed giving him a few more in my story!
I have never seen the Chatres Cathedral, but I have seen other cathedrals and can imagine the feeling this one can give you. Loved the pictures.
So, Alina is a Necromancer, whatever that is. I hope I don’t need more information than you give within this story. (I don’t know the books you refer there.)
That punishment was really harsh and unusual, but I can see this within the HP universe, even if it was never described. The HP universe has a lot of really cruel customs. I remember how shocked I was at the outcome of the Triwizard tournament. I think this fits with the feeling the House of Slytherin gave me as portrayed in the books.
What is a half kneazel? You just need to know cats to know they can vanish for days without anyone finding them. The castle is big and Crookshanks had years to explore the thing. It seems the students don’t know cats very well 😉 . But I can imagine how desperate poor Alina was when she noticed the cat was missing. From there on everything just spun out of control. I just hope that this incident plus the bell incident didn’t cost Alina her Slytherin friends. She needs friends in school and not just friends in other houses or among the staff.
Necromancers (the manifestation of Sauron in Dol Guldur was called a Necromancer, too) are wizards with a special affinity for the dead, to put it simply. They can talk to the dead or control zombies … depends on the interpretation, really. I was fascinated with the world-building in the “Abhorsen” books, and in conjunction with some HP death magic (like the Veil), it seemed to me an interesting AU angle to explore.
Re: the punishment, yes, yes, yes, exactly! This is one of the scenes that usually leaves readers totally shocked. But based on what I know about “normal” hazing in Muggle British public schools, I think Slytherin must have been ten times worse. And isn’t it how those things usually go? Good intentions all around and suddenly you’re sitting in a handbasket and it’s getting awfully hot and the air smells of sulphur …
Kneazles: http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Kneazle
(I think they show that JKR doesn’t really know cats, because they are like that and do all that stuff without any magic, thank you very much. 😉 )
Beautiful. As is the rest of this novel, but this was so unexpected! Looking forward to the whole unchartered territory ahead of our newlyweds.
20 years? It’s high time I saw Chartres again, and took my son (it’s ridiculously near my usual place).
And I’ll go on minding my h’s 😉
Thank you for reading! And oh, Chartres … you’re lucky to live so close. I’ve been wanting to visit again for years … the windows are supposed to be better than ever after the restoration. But unfortunately I live really, really far away. *sigh*
I’m glad you’re enjoying the story! *hearts*