VII. ‘I’m coming!’ vs. ‘Let go!’—Find your balance!

But even if you’ve thought of all the things we’ve mentioned so far…

• if you know the purpose of your sex scene
• if you have a good grip on your POV and your characters
• if you’ve come up with realistic sex acts at the core of the scene
• if you use sensuous language to describe your scene
• if you include sensations and emotions
• if your characters feel and talk like real people
• if you’ve paid attention to your word choice, style and tone and avoided clichés

…the scene can still fail.

In the end, what makes a scene really work, is balance.

And that’s really tricky when applied to an act that evolution or God (or both) have turned into a procedure that is by nature horribly clichéd and over the top.^[1]

Therefore it’s highly unlikely that you’ll achieve that perfect balance and the golden ratio of writing sex scenes in your first draft. Just like any other scene, a sex scene needs to be revised and edited or beta-read. More than once.

TIP!

Revision will help you find your balance.

• Re-read and revise sex scenes just like any other scenes.
• Use editors/proofreaders and beta-readers for sex scenes just like for any other scenes.

Reading recommendations:

• ‘Writing Love Scenes’ by Marie Huggins
• ‘The Joy of Writing Sex’ by Elizabeth Benedict
• …and as consolation: Have a look at the ‘Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Awards’—even big name authors can fail!

^[1] It has to be. If sex wasn’t so terribly important to the majority of humankind, there wouldn’t BE a humankind.