An Advent Calendar for my Friends – December 23

Blake, William: The Book of Job: When the Morning Stars Sang Together (detail), 1820;
Watercolor on paper, 110 1/8 x 70 3/8 inches (280 x 179 cm),
Pierpont Morgan Library, New York, USA.

The Angel of Faithfulness

by Anselm Grün

Faithfulness is not in high demand nowadays. Too many people have experienced how newly-weds have sworn to be faithful to each other forever. And already after a short time their marriage is over. Many people are afraid to commit themselves to one person in faithfulness, because they know very well that they cannot offer a guarantee for their faithfulness and their feelings. And yet we long for people who are faithful, who stand by us, who give us security and safety. The desire for faithfulness of other people corresponds to the doubts about our own ability to be faithful.

The German word for “faithful” is “treu” and according to its origins it actually means “strong, sturdy like a tree”. But as we often don’t feel as steadfast as a tree which has deep roots and which cannot be overthrown easily, we are afraid that we cannot be faithful to each other, that we cannot offer a guarantee for our faithfulness. Faithfulness does not imply being true to your principles in this case or to be faithful in fulfilling your job. That is more like acquittal of duties. Faithfulness is always faithfulness towards a person. And the condition for faithfulness is always love. I can only faithful to someone I love. Faithfulness contains the desire of being able to place my trust in the one I love, that I will always be willing to listen to the one I have bound myself to. Faithfulness is not something static, unchanging, but the willingness to walk a way with someone, and the promise to stay faithful and reliable through all of my transformations. Only in faithfulness, in determining my future, I am able to gain my true self from the chances of life. According to the German philosopher Otto F. Bollnow people can only find themselves in faithfulness and that only faithfulness can provide a stable core of personality during the ups and downs of life.

If we promise another person to be faithful we can never offer a guarantee for us. But we don’t have to be able to guarantee our faithfulness. I have promised faithfulness towards my order in my vow. I did not have a guarantee that I would never fall in love either in a way that would make me want to leave this community. But God’s promise that He will be faithful, is helping me. In the second letter of Timothy is a line that is very comforting for me: “If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.” That He is faithful to me even if I am unfaithful assures me that my life will succeed, no matter if there are disruptions inside or outside. And this takes away my fear of committing to my community in faithfulness.

If we say about people that they are faithful, then we are not only talking about spouse who are faithful to their relationship and do not commit adultery. Much more than this we mean people we can rely on. We don’t have to play up to them all the time. They stand by us faithfully. And this is good for us. We know that even if we have not heard from them for a long time, we can count on them. We know of someone who writes to us at least once a year, for decades. It’s not too much bother for him. Obviously we are important enough to him that he is trying to keep in touch with us. When my sister stayed in Italy as a young woman, she met a married Italian professor for sociology. They went their different roads and passed through many transformations, both inside and outside. But they kept up a friendly relationship for more than 30 years. If she goes to Italy, she can always come and stay with him. And if he has to go abroad, she gets the key to his apartment. This is a kind of faithfulness that is good for you, something you can count on.

I wish that an Angel of Faithfulness may be at your side, people, who stand by you faithfully, people you can rely on. And I wish that the Angel of Faithfulness may help you to be faithful yourself. Then you will experience how good you are for other people that way and how you can find your true inner self in the capriciousness of your own heart. Faithfulness does not need to be expressed in spectacular vows. It is visible in your reliability, in your willingness to stand by someone for all of their lives, to accompany them on all their ways of transformation without turning away from them. Such a kind of faithfulness is blessed. In such a kind of faithfulness we experience the angel who makes this possible to begin with. Because we are not able to accomplish this on our own. By this kind of faithfulness people feel themselves held and supported in the vicissitudes of our world. This lets them know that they are important for someone else. And this helps them to see their own value and to stand up for themselves in spite of all disappointments.

© by Anselm Grün, 50 Engel für das Jahr, 1997;
 translation by JunoMagic.