Troll

by JunoMagic
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives-ShareAlike license

Troll

‘It was bad enough when he was merely collecting tractors. I mean, I ask you!

‘A whole shed full of tractors from the 1940s, 1950s, 1960s. Noisy, dirty, ugly things.

‘And he was constantly in the shed, tinkering, and “working” them. He always came back covered in … substances. No, not just oil. I KNOW how to get oil out of fabrics and off faces.

‘It’s like being married to a five-year-old with rather overgrown toys.

‘Exactly.’

‘And now, he has a troll.’

‘Yes.

‘A troll.
‘T-R-O-L-L.’

‘No. No pink hairs.’

‘Yes, very big feet.’

‘No, not at all cute.’

‘Hmm?’

‘Well, you’re not believing a word of this as it is, so I guess I might just as well tell you the whole story.’

‘It’s some idiot wizard’s fault. Yes, wizard. No, no hat, no hat trick, no rabbits. At least none that I know of. The troll is partial to sheep, the older and stringier the better.’

‘Well, apparently – as far as the troll can tell, anyway – the wizard messed up. Yes. Very much like your lawyer.  Absolutely. I can give you the number of our lawyer. Yes.  She’s good. At least she got back at that fuckwit for us that broke off the side mirror of our car. Anyway. The wizard used a spell on the troll. Yes, of course it was the wrong spell. How did you know? — Oh. Yes, of course. I always get the wrong number in such situations, too.’

‘…so instead of saying “as long as THE earth will exist”, the wizard says “as long as this piece of earth remains”. Yes. There’s an artificial lake there now. Exactly. Dam, water reservoir, the works. And a very wet troll. Yeah. He woke. Wet.’

‘No, I must say, considering the circumstances he’s rather sweet.’

‘He offered me a flower.’

‘Of course he also takes up one shed all of his own.’

‘My husband? Wants another one. No, not a shed. I wish. No, no, I don’t think he means to take them apart. At least I hope not.’

‘The worst part? When wet, they smell.’

‘Mmmmkay. You’re right. Dogs do, too.’

Song of the day:

Link(s) of the day:

Troll Art! | Scandinavian Trolls | Yet more trolls…

…and my wish for you today is:

May you always have someone to complain about, someone to complain to, and someone to give you a flower!

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