The Enterprise was speeding towards the second, more distant star of the Lytasian binary. Jim watched the fiery orbs of the two yellow G type stars grow larger outside the observation window of the bridge. He still had a hard time coming to terms with the Lytasia incident.<\/p>\n
Of the eleven V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> they had saved, nine survived. Four men (Stephen, Atek, Prehnik, Rhodon), three women (T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Peri, Iolite, Tourmel), and two children (the toddlers T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Mir and Solok). Prehnik and Tourmel were still in sickbay, but at last on the road to recovery. The little girl \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Ripau \u00e2\u20ac\u201c she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been eleven, Jo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s age \u00e2\u20ac\u201c had died first, not even an hour after the rescue. An older man \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Tipak \u00e2\u20ac\u201c her grandfather \u00e2\u20ac\u201c had hung on for a few more hours before slipping away.<\/p>\n
Eight people had been killed on the bridge of the Dionysus; ten additional casualties could be confirmed on the rest of the ship, including T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Mir\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s parents \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Kiron and Seleia \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and Solok\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mother, T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Sol. After the bridge had been taken out, the shields of the Dionysus had gone down long enough for the pirates to snatch twenty-seven people from the ship, just beaming them away. It was very likely that all of them had lost their lives when the Enterprise had blown up the pirate vessels \u00e2\u20ac\u201c only one pirate had escaped. There was no way to tell if prisoners had been on board of that ship. Perhaps it was better to imagine they all had died.<\/p>\n
At least that would have been fast; it had certainly been a quick death for Lieutenant Dave Bailey, Thomas Clarence and Abasi Shenzi from Security, Nurse Sven Thorensen, and Petty Officer Oliver Thule. Jim would have to take over the training for shuttle pilots himself now, although he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really sure when he was supposed to accomplish that on top of everything else.<\/p>\n
Jim stared at the screen, reviewing the records of the critical moments on the bridge once more in his mind. No. <\/i>No, there had been no way to tell that there was one more pirate ship lurking behind the moon, using the damaged Dionysus as a cover for a stealthy approach. He almost wished he had found a mistake, an error of judgment \u00e2\u20ac\u201c that it could<\/i> have ended differently. The inevitable provided less solace than he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been led to believe.<\/p>\n
After the Nero incident he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ended up writing the letters to the families, although technically he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been in command during the battle with the Narada. Twenty-seven letters. He still remembered every single one.<\/p>\n
Spock had written the letters after the Marcus conspiracy. All forty-one of them. Jim recalled each of them, too. The quiet dignity of Vulcan philosophy he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d discovered in those condolences, the careful warmth. Spock had composed the letters while he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been waiting for Jim to wake up. Thanks to the Bond, Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s memory of those letters now mingled with Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dark recollections of these days, with a sense of disorientation and volatile emotions barely kept in check.<\/p>\n
And now, the subspace transmissions sent to Starfleet Command so they would be passed on to the families of Bailey, Clarence, Shenzi, Thorensen, and Thule. Jim wondered if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d remember all the letters, always. Then he shook his head; that was not a healthy line of thinking. Kaiidth<\/i>, as Spock would say. What is, is.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sulu? How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the Dionysus doing?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim forced his attention to their current job.<\/p>\n
The ancient Normandy class starship could not be salvaged. When the debris of the destroyed pirate ships and Shuttle One had dispersed, Shuttle Two and the shuttle of the V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> were retrieved as well as the personal possessions of the survivors and everything Scotty had wanted to salvage.<\/p>\n
Today the Enterprise would finish towing the wreck with its damaged and dangerously unstable warp core away from the planets and shipping routes of the Lytasian system and towards the second star of its binary. When they had reached a safe distance, they would release the tractor beam and let the ship pass on into the star, fuelled by its own inertia. Once the star\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gravity pulled the Dionysus in, the end would come quickly in an explosion of the antimatter fuel pods.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tractor beam stable, impulse power on full and steady,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu responded promptly.<\/p>\n
Scotty had held word; impulse power had been back online on the day of the battle. But he and Lieutenant Amell hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been quite satisfied with some readings, so they \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and Ilya, the Barque cat \u00e2\u20ac\u201c had spent the following days taking the impulse engines apart and putting them together again. And the cat had managed to find a problem no one else had been able to locate. Now everything was running perfectly again.<\/p>\n
Or maybe \u00e2\u20ac\u0153purrfectly.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> Jim smiled, thinking of the huge Barque with tiger stripes that was currently the queen of Engineering. The cat had certainly proven her usefulness, and her three kittens had acquired quite a fan club. Most of all among the children on board, of course. But Jo had tattled to him about the time she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d found her dad asleep in his office with one of the kittens on his lap, and Jim himself had surprised Spock cuddling the black kitten, Pash-yel. Another thing to add to his list of things he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t known about Vulcans. They loved cats. Or at least Vulcan space gypsies did. And Spock. And Thorby. In other words, most Vulcans Jim had encountered so far.<\/p>\n
Jim glanced over to the communications console. Stephen, Spock, and Uhura were busy over there, sending out carefully coded transmissions to the other V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> ships, warning them about the pirates in this sector and relaying the message from the Vulcan High Council. Even Vulcan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s most wayward children were invited back into the fold in this hour of need. It was only logical. What Jim couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite wrap his mind around was how the Vulcan outcasts he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d met so far reacted to that dispensation. That they were so willing to give up their alternative lifestyle at a moment\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s notice … for the good of the many, just so Vulcans as a people would have a better chance of survival. One of the latest bulletins from Starfleet had even mentioned a Romulan sect \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Romulans clinging to the Vulcan ways of their distant ancestors, sort of like Terran Amish \u00e2\u20ac\u201c relocating to New Vulcan.<\/p>\n
Jim rubbed his chin. The planet formerly known as Cestus III was going to be one fascinating place. New Vulcan would end up the strangest cultural melting pot, with traditional Vulcans, Sybok\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s people, V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i>, the Romulan equivalent of Amish, the human women volunteering as surrogate mothers, as well as the other helpers flocking to New Vulcan from all over the Federation. Jim couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine how those diverse elements would come together to create a new Vulcan society. He knew it would be years before they would get around visiting New Vulcan again, but he was already looking forward to it.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153When will we reach our target position?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim asked, turning to Sulu again.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153At approximately 1600 hours today.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Stephen looked up from the communications console at that. Jim caught the pain in the juggler\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dark eyes. The Dionysus had been his home for many years, ever since he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d split from Sybok\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s group ten years ago. Jim remembered the moments in the warp core chamber how, besides saving everyone on the Enterprise, the desperate need to save the ship herself had spurred him on. He wondered if the V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> would want to witness the end of their ship. Perhaps he could offer them an observation lounge to gather in when the time came. He frowned, unsure if that was an appropriate idea \u00e2\u20ac\u201c like a funeral \u00e2\u20ac\u201c or callous cruelty. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ask Spock at lunch.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim broke eye contact and consulted his PADD. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Chekov, how\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your plotting coming along?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The year was almost over, and the next part of their mission lay ahead: to scout the edges of the Black Cluster in order to discover a suitable location for a new starbase. Their next destination, however, was Zaran II, the second planet of the Byrdica system, a diplomatic mission on behalf of the Federation Council.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Traveling at an average speed of warp five based on our current position, we should reach Zaran II in one month and twenty-seven days on a straight course, Keptin,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Chekov reported and promptly brought up the star chart of that sector in a corner of the window screen.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Great,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said and concentrated on the chart. That was much better than to get all morose about the demise of the Dionysus. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The course looks good, but I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll make that speed, Chekov. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to cross the Marie Celeste sector, so we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to waste a lot of time dropping out of warp to check for pirate activity.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He exhaled thoughtfully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d prefer giving that sector a wide berth, but that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not an option. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d lose even more time that way …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He knew chances were that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never see the pirate ship again that got away, knew that the odds of catching and boarding that particular vessel were even less favorable, and he was perfectly aware of the fact that the likelihood of rescuing any more V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> was approximately zero, perhaps less than zero. Still, he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t not<\/i> try. And it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hurt to collect some intelligence on pirate activity in the infamous Marie Celeste sector.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ve vill still manage to reach Zaran II in the second half of January, Keptin,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Chekov insisted.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good enough,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim replied, poring over their projected itinerary for 2261 on his PADD. The distance they would have to cover during the next year was somewhat intimidating. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you, Chekov.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The chart dissolved, leaving behind the fiery yellow orbs of the Lytasian binary, already much closer than before. Jim leaned back in his chair and pulled up the information on Zaran II.<\/p>\n
Official first contact with the Zaranites had been made in 2257, but thanks to Nero and Marcus, the follow-up visit had been delayed until now. The Zaranites were one of those weird mysteries that made the universe a fascinating place according to Spock. They were a matriarchal species of psionic predators, and their culture was based on hunting, with little indigenous agriculture and industry. Their rise to a warp-capable society had only started when a group of Terran Augments had ended up on their planet after the Eugenics Wars. How in hell that had happened was everybody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s guess, given that Earth had only made warp over fifty years later. But somehow those refugees had made it to Zaran II. They had been granted asylum on the planet. In the following decades their influence had sped up the technological development of the Zaranites by centuries. The last of the Zaranite Augments had died just a few years ago, and for some reason he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been a huge fan of the Federation.<\/p>\n
Jim frowned at his PADD, thinking of Khan and his men. Perhaps it was juvenile, but the injustice of Khan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s story still got to him every time. The Augments had been bred as superhuman cannon fodder. Their treatment had been inhuman. They had been used and exploited as lab rats, breeding stock, slaves. When Khan and his friends had managed to escape, they had fled into the Gobi desert and stayed as far away from civilization as they could manage. Yet when the other Augments and their makers had attempted to enslave humankind (and almost succeeded, too), Khan and his men had emerged from their voluntary exile and turned the tide of the Eugenics Wars. After the war they should have been celebrated as heroes. Instead, the aftermath of atrocities committed by Augments and Humans alike led to a climate of such hostility that Khan and his people decided to leave Earth for good. Suspended in stasis in the cryogenic units of three space ships, they had chosen the elusive hope of eventually reaching a habitable planet far from Earth and their painful past. One of the ships had made it to Zaran. One had been found by Admiral Marcus. No one knew what had happened to the third vessel …<\/p>\n
Jim wondered what he would have done in Khan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s place. Pre-warp space travel came really close to his worst nightmare \u00e2\u20ac\u201c to end up utterly helpless … They could have died so easily without ever waking up again. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d hate that. His own death, in the warp core chamber, at least he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d known what was happening and why, right up until the last moment.<\/p>\n
With a grimace, Jim shut down the PADD. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lieutenant Marcus? Anything interesting?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Of course she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have told him at once if she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d caught so much as a blip of activity, suspicious or otherwise. Sometimes he was still surprised at how boring a shift on the bridge could be.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nothing, Captain,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just the usual traffic on the shipping routes between Lytasia and the surrounding systems.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
And that was the most exciting thing that happened throughout the shift. Jim was pretty bored throughout, but that was okay. Better than a space battle with pirates any day.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
After consulting Spock, Jim had made arrangements, and then they informed the V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> that the observation lounge on deck ten would be at their disposal to bid their ship farewell. Now, moments before the proximity to the Lytasian secondary would cause the Dionysus to explode, the space gypsies had gathered in the lounge. Even Prehnik and Tourmel. The man was in an electric wheelchair, while Tourmel lay on a stretcher, with M\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Benga at her side. Guinan and Dr. Elbrun were present as well, taking seats in the background to the left of the door, ready to provide support in case they were needed. Spock and Jim chose two armchairs to the right.<\/p>\n
With the Enterprise at a safe distance from the Dionysus, the ship of the V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> was barely visible without zoom, a small dark spot in front of the yellow star behind it. Spock adjusted the view screen, filtering the glare of the Lytasia binary to acceptable levels, zooming enough that the dot turned into the distant outline of a spaceship. They had released the Dionysus to pass on to her fiery grave at 1600 hours. It wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take long now until the star claimed the starship as her own.<\/p>\n
The door opened with a soft hiss, and Bones entered with Thorby and Jo. Wordlessly, the children crossed the room to sit with T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Mir and Solok and T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Peri on the floor in front of the window screen. Someone had spread out a blanket for them. Ilya jumped down from Stephen\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lap and joined the kids on the floor. Soon the soothing purr of the Barque filled the room.<\/p>\n
Jim felt uncomfortable. Out of place. His discomfort must have transferred through the Bond, because Spock suddenly leaned over and lightly placed his fingertips on Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s meld points. Jim felt his mind open up as Spock manipulated his psionic centers, emulating the effects of Spice and kindling his latent telepathy.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00bbWhy?\u00c2\u00ab<\/i> Jim thought, surprised. But Spock shook his head and remained silent. Jim could feel him ache, and he knew that Spock wanted him to see something, to understand something. He had no idea what, though.<\/p>\n
Only minutes now. The V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> huddled together, holding hands or hugging, openly expressing their need for comfort, forming a close-knit half-circle. To see how naturally Thorby and Jo belonged with the gypsies in this moment of grief and loss and solace was … strange. Suddenly Jim could \u00e2\u20ac\u201c see\/feel\/hear \u00e2\u20ac\u201c sense in his mind<\/i> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the connections between every person in the room. He couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite describe the impression. Beacons, perhaps, lights and their reflections, signals and answers, bright in the minds of the Vulcans. Or maybe silvery strands, thoughts, minds reaching and joining and clinging, forming a web … a consciousness beyond the individual, removed from time and space: T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Khasi.<\/i> Oh.<\/i> Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s breath hitched. So that remained of Vulcan, always, even among outcasts and nomads. A connection of the soul, of the katra<\/i>.<\/p>\n
The comm clicked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sixteen-thirty. We expect the warp core to detonate momentarily,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mitchell announced.<\/p>\n
With the added dimension of extra-sensory perception, the scene in the room took on a completely new meaning. Thorby truly belonged. Jim could also see \u00e2\u20ac\u201c sense \u00e2\u20ac\u201c how Thorby pulled Jo into that circle of belonging, just how deep and instinctive the connection between the two children was. If he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been so fascinated, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have been scared. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s knowing something and seeing it for yourself,<\/i> he thought. Not the same thing. Not the same thing at all.<\/i><\/p>\n
Jim turned to look at Spock and froze, shocked. Because Spock did not … he did not belong<\/i>. Not like Thorby. Spock regarded him patiently, his expression and his mind carefully blank. Jim caught only the wisp of a memory: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You will always be a child of two worlds.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> And an almost-thought in its wake, painful, and instantly controlled: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or none.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Get ready for fireworks. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to happen any second now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim suddenly wondered about Guinan and Elbrun. Obviously, they wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be part of the Vulcan connection, but would they appear differently to him now, in this sensitive mental state? He glanced to the left. Oh, yeah. Definitely different. Elbrun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s black eyes were \u00e2\u20ac\u201c magnetic \u00e2\u20ac\u201c black holes \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Jim was drawn into their darkness, sinking into their depths, his mind and his turbulent emotions. With a gasp he broke contact, looking away, at Guinan. The sensation stopped. However, the El-Aurian felt even stranger to his mind, if that was possible. As if she was there and not there at the same time. The effect made his skin crawl so much that he had to suppress a shudder, that he ended up staring at Bones \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and Bones … Bones met his eyes and for a second he allowed Jim to see just how angry, and how torn up he was.<\/p>\n
Somehow Jim managed to focus on the view screen again.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Explosions in space were never spectacular. Fireworks need oxygen. Not much of that was left in the damaged Dionysus. A brief, blinding flare, white-bright before the yellow-orange backdrop of the Lytasian binary. For a second, the screen automatically zoomed in on the debris, tiny black spots dancing in front of the star. Then the screen flicked back to the vista of actual space outside. Perfect black emptiness lit up with pinpricks of silver light. For a moment Jim remembered a vision from the Bonding. A hallucination of silver threads tying him to Spock, and connecting them with two distant stars, one golden and one silver.<\/p>\n
Jim had no idea what he did, but suddenly he was \u00e2\u20ac\u201c back \u00e2\u20ac\u201c back in his body, back in his mind. In his normal frame of mind, that was. Spock raised an eyebrow at him, and a sense of surprise filtered through the Bond. Jim shrugged. No idea how I did that,<\/i> he thought, shutting off my telepathy like that. <\/i>More than before, he realized that they had no fucking clue what they were messing with, with telepathy he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t supposed to possess, that it was dangerous, that it was too late to stop, and that he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to.<\/p>\n
Time to be captain. He rose to his feet. That simple act brought its own kind of awareness of identity and community, of belonging and never belonging. Part of the job description. He wondered why he felt it now, that old clich\u00c3\u00a9 \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the loneliness of command. Shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that be impossible now that he was Bonded? But Spock had never been a part of that particular equation. Up until very recently, Bones hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been, either. Perhaps that was the explanation. And Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s revelation just now.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The following will be recorded in the captain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s log of the Enterprise: Stardate 2260.330. The damaged V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> starship Dionysus was towed to the Lytasian secondary and left to drift into the star. At 1625 hours the antimatter fuel pods exploded at a safe distance from the planets and shipping routes of the Lytasian system. The orbit of the resultant debris will decay over the next years until the star consumes the remains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He paused. In a few years nothing but memories would be left of the small ship and far too many of its passengers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tushah nash-veh k\u00e2\u20ac\u2122dular,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/i>Jim said softly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I grieve with you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Cha\u00e2\u20ac\u2122i t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122naat,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> Stephen replied formally, and the other V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tosh ka\u00e2\u20ac\u2122tur<\/i> silently inclined their heads in respectful agreement. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you. But what is to become of us now? We are far from Federation space, and I have been given to understand your itinerary will take you only further away from it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That is correct. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid unless we meet up with another ship of your people, it will be impossible to arrange safe transport for you. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry, but you will have to stay on board for the time being. Are you okay with your quarters?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Iolite, a lithe woman with auburn hair, stepped next to Stephen and offered a grateful smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The rooms are more than adequate for our needs. We are honored, Captain. And grateful, that you would offer asylum to a traveling circus in such manner. But … while we are here … what are we to do? I understand that your mission will only be concluded in five years.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Self-consciously, Jim rubbed his neck. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no big deal. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not like you can walk to New Vulcan. And we have more than enough space. Also, what you can do … I guess, just what you always do? We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not an ordinary Starfleet vessel \u00e2\u20ac\u201c we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got civilians on board, families, kids. They, and actually, all of us, I think, will appreciate some entertainment. Food for the soul? Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t replicate that,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, feeling somewhat out of his depth. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And if you want to do more than that, report to Commander Paul. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll figure out what to do with you. But really, right now, I think you just need to take some time to recover.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He glanced at the toddlers, still sitting on the blanket in front of the window with T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Peri, Jo, and Thorby. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Take care of yourselves and the kids for a while. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worry about anything else.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
In a small dwelling on the main continent of New Vulcan, the man known as Ambassador Selek sat in front of his comm unit in deep contemplation. He had not slept or meditated. Instead he allowed his mind to spiral in and out of focus. On the screen in front of him, the picture of his younger counterpart and his Bondmate was frozen in a smile, a soft gaze, and two ta\u00e2\u20ac\u2122al<\/i>.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We are star-met<\/i>
We are joined …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
In another time Spock would not meet James T. Kirk for another five years. In another universe, it had taken him and his captain two years to realize there was more between them than friendship, and seven years to take the next step. Seven wasted years. Not a long time, compared to the lifespan of a Vulcan or a half-Vulcan. Precious time he could have shared with his Bondmate. If he had been able to accept himself … But Spock had to fail kolinahr<\/i>, had to face V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Ger before he could even confront questions of the heart long denied \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and find the courage to answer them.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
Spock breathed deep into the k’rawhl <\/i>to center himself. For ninety-six long years those questions had turned into their own answers now: Yes, that is all that you are. No, there is nothing more. <\/i>To be reminded of the short twenty years of his life when his heart held different answers was bittersweet. No, it is not: With you, I am hope, I am desire. Yes, there is more: Together we are love, the dream of all our ages.<\/i><\/p>\n
Again Spock focused on the screen, on the vision of a life he never lived. How to reply to their message in an appropriate and beneficial way? How to convey his thoughts and emotions without expressing too much?<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Jim and Spock were in their quarters, playing a game of chess before dinner, when the comm sounded. Barry Milekey\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s deep, beautiful voice poured out of the speaker: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Subspace transmission from New Vulcan for you and Mr. Spock. A vid message marked private, sirs.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim needed a second to calculate subspace lag. When he realized who this message must be from, he smiled and rose to his feet. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Pipe it down to our quarters, Milekey.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock followed him, and together they stepped in front of the screen on Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s desk. Because Jim knew that any encounter with his older counterpart tended to unsettle Spock, he reached for his Bondmate\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand.<\/p>\n
A second later, the screen flickered to life and coalesced into a close-up of an ancient Vulcan. Judging from the perspective, he must have been kneeling on the floor in front of the camera. For a long moment old Spock gazed at them in silence. His dark eyes glistened strangely in the dim light of the room. Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s breath caught when he realized that the old man had tears in his eyes.<\/p>\n
Finally, old Spock swallowed and inhaled, a rasping, painful breath. But when he spoke, his voice was perfectly even, though much softer than usual.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are indeed star-met,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d old Spock told them. After a pause, he added, with a smile that somehow made Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s heart ache, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And you are more than joined: You are t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Then his Bondmate\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s counterpart reached out to switch off the camera with a sigh. No, <\/i>Jim thought, not a sigh, a whisper \u00e2\u20ac\u201c words.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153As I once was.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
The screen went dark. With a harsh inhalation, Spock drew away from Jim. Without a word, he crossed the room. The door opened with a soft hiss, and he was gone.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Nyota and her friends had claimed a table in the officers\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 mess for an informal meeting of the ship\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s knitting circle. Informal, because Barry Milekey was on shift today. But apart from him the other members were present and accounted for: Carolyn Paul, Gwaloth Canningham, Carol Marcus, Gaila, and Elena Amell.<\/p>\n
The room was already decorated for what Starfleet regulations defined as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153politically appropriate, culturally neutral end-of-the-year celebrations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and what everyone else in the Federation called \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Christmas\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. Fake mistletoe adorned every other doorway, there were fake garlands in ludicrous colors on every table, along with LED candles and plates with replicated sugar cookies, nuts, and tangerines. There was even a Christmas tree in the main mess, dragged there from the botanic gardens by a dozen burly Maintenance workers, and decorated in a joint effort by all of the Enterprise children.<\/p>\n
The thing with Christmas: Every species exported porn, alcohol or drugs, and music. However, a few species had contributed something unique to the universe they would forever be associated with. Vulcans had provided a philosophy that sustained more than the Federation with IDIC. The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition were the galactic equivalent of the Bible. Orion would always remain a synonym for slavery. And there was a reason that Gwaloth Canningham\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s most successful naughty shirt came with the slogan \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A Vulcan in the streets, a Klingon in the sheets\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. Earth\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s interstellar legacy even consisted of two things. Christmas, and towels. Of course, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Christmas\u00e2\u20ac\u009d among aliens had not much more to do with the classic Terran holiday than a Klingon brawl with an Orion dance. But the essentials had survived \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the tree, the gifts, the weird red-and-white Santa hat, and a vague idea that it was about family, friends, and light in the darkness (which was why the Yovians celebrated \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Christmas\u00e2\u20ac\u009d by lobbing nuclear bombs at their neighboring planets \u00e2\u20ac\u201c that kind of light could be seen three solar systems over). The thing with the towels was easier to understand because towels were so useful that literally every species in the known universe had adopted the custom. Fluffy towels embroidered with the mythical number \u00e2\u20ac\u015342\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or the slogan \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Panic!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d could be purchased in every spaceport from the Romulan Empire to the Cardassian Union and beyond.<\/p>\n
As a result, the members of the infamous Enterprise \u00e2\u20ac\u0153stitch \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 bitch\u00e2\u20ac\u009d club were making merry tonight with traditional Christmas drinks: with eggnog, mulled wine, and even mead. They were slowly moving beyond casual chatter to outright gossip but hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite reached the stage of bitching yet.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been a while since our last meeting,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nyota announced, grinning. Four weeks had passed since the last meeting. It was good to hang out tonight. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Therefore, the first order of the day is updates, ladies. Relationship status. Bring it on.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It was a cherished ritual. The girls giggled and cheered and raised their glasses.<\/p>\n
Nyota grinned at Amell. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The one who whined at us last gets to spill first.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right, all right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Len muttered, her gaze fixed on her mead. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re good. That fight we had about the away mission to the Dionysus was mostly a misunderstanding. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re working on our communication skills.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Nyota sniggered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Does that mean our Chief Engineer has a talented tongue?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I bet he knows how to use his tools perfectly,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gwaloth put in.<\/p>\n
Carolyn promptly inhaled her drink and started coughing violently, while Len flushed scarlet and hid her face in her knitting. Her muffled reply sounded a lot like \u00e2\u20ac\u0153affirmative\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Details, details,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gaila urged, not that easily distracted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We need details!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re horrible, all of you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Len offered them a red-faced glare. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you must know, Scotty apologized. It helped that the captain talked to him. Told him that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d done well on the Dionysus. And … when I had a nightmare afterwards, Scotty was really sweet, even though I’d been kind of awful to him.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Awww.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Carol laughed at her flustered friend. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think we can let that stand. Even if she won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t share any juicy <\/i>specifics. Nyota, your turn.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Nyota heaved a sigh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m actually beginning to wonder if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s possible to revert into a virginal state if you go long enough without.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that serious with you and Kh\u00e2\u20ac\u201d John?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Carol asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There are toys for that!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gaila put in helpfully.<\/p>\n
Carolyn sighed, full of sympathy. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I hear you …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Toys may save my sanity, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just not the same,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nyota replied. Then her brain caught up with the conversation, and she gasped, pressing her hands to her cheeks. It shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t come as a such a surprise. But it did. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And yeah, I guess we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re really serious.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Gaila shook her head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You realize it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a pattern now for you, do you? Going for serious relationships with difficult and dangerous men …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153As if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in a position to comment,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Len put in.<\/p>\n
Gaila just giggled and leaned into Carol, who blushed fiercely, before she steered the conversation away from that particular topic. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I heard that sigh, Carolyn. How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Doctor McGrouch today?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Carolyn groaned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Same as yesterday. And the day before. And the day before the day before the … Why?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The first straight man I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever known who has managed to turn sulking into an art form,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gaila said, admiration in her voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He needs to get laid, Carolyn,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she added with conviction. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It would be community service. A mental health thing. A sexual emergency due to alien interference. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a regulation for that!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Mortified, Carolyn muffled another groan by hiding her face in her crossed arms. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m unwilling …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Nyota snorted simultaneously. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the alien sex pollen paragraph, Gaila. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s applicable when the problem is a future alien son-in-law. Or the alien husband of your best friend.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have expected Doctor McCoy to be such a xenophobe,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gwaloth commented, suddenly serious.<\/p>\n
Carolyn raised her head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not it. The problem isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Thorby, or Spock. Not really. Leonard … He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just scared, and yes, he has issues, okay? And also, that is really private, so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d appreciate it if we could change the topic now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Awkward silence spread, with everyone concentrating uncomfortably on their drinks.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Actually,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nyota said suddenly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not private if it affects the community on board. And his prolonged hissy fit is definitely affecting the command team, so\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Speak of the devil,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Carol interrupted.<\/p>\n
Nyota turned just in time to see the captain hesitating at the door of the officers\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 mess. He was pale and looked drained. Whatever had happened now? It was almost cute how he visibly gathered his courage to approach the table. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good evening, ladies,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he greeted them with a somewhat strained puppy dog smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry to bother you, but … Nyota <\/i>… if you have a moment …?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He emphasized her first name \u00e2\u20ac\u201c so this was personal. And Spock was nowhere in sight.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nyota said and got up. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry, girls. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll catch up with you later.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My ready room?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he suggested.<\/p>\n
A few minutes later, they were sitting around the corner of the long table with mugs of spicy rooibos tea. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrong, Jim? Did you have an argument with Spock?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She would not get involved in a lovers\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 spat between Kirk and Spock. Just no. Nope. Not ever.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, not an argument,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, and while he looked upset \u00e2\u20ac\u201c haunted, even \u00e2\u20ac\u201c he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t appear to be angry or pissed off. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But yeah, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s … there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something wrong. Only, I have no idea what. But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got to do with a word. A Vulcan word that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never heard before. I was wondering if you could help me figure it out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
She breathed on her tea, masking a sigh. Vulcan linguistics she could do. Maybe a simple miscommunication? \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shoot.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We got a transmission from New Vulcan tonight, a reply from Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s counterpart to the message we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d sent about our Bonding,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim explained. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He said we are …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He frowned in concentration. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la? T\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la? <\/i>After we watched the vid, Spock disappeared before I could ask him what it meant.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Abruptly, Nyota put her mug down, shocked and fascinated at the same time. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you do know the word?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
She met his bright hazel gaze, and for a moment she couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t answer, trying to process the implications. Finally she replied, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, I do. But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an ancient term and very rarely used nowadays, so it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no wonder you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never heard of it. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s both a myth and a linguistic phenomenon.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Unable to resist the temptation of linguistic nitpicking, she went on, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153To start with, the word is spelled \u00e2\u20ac\u02dct\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/i>, not \u00e2\u20ac\u02dct\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/i>. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/i> is an old, sloppy transliteration. In Standard, the letter y can be either a vowel or a consonant. But in Vulcan the corresponding character is always a consonant. To express the vowel sound, the diphthongal \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 must be used, so \u00e2\u20ac\u02dct\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/i> is the linguistically correct form.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kirk smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll remember that, Professor Uhura. So what does \u00e2\u20ac\u02dct\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/i> mean?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Nyota lowered her gaze to her tea, carefully considering what to say next. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The term dates back to the pre-Surakian warrior elite,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she explained at last. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153In Vulcan of old, many warriors never Bonded with women, never had families. Instead, men lived and died together. The closest Terran equivalent would be the Sacred Band of Thebes. The most famous of those ancient heroes formed a Bond with each other, the rarest and most revered Bond of Vulcan culture. They were t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i> for each other … everything. Friend, brother, lover.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help it, she got sentimental and misty-eyed at her own explanation.<\/p>\n
Kirk just stared at her, speechless.<\/p>\n
She quickly went on, scrambling for safer, linguistic territory. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That warrior Bond was not meant to be broken, not even in death. According to Vulcan mythology, katras<\/i> of t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i> were joined for eternity. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s really fascinating is that the Vulcan language itself reflects that belief. You see, all Vulcan dialects as well as traditional and modern Golic have very specific terms for every possible familial and social connection \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and the lack thereof. For example, there is not just a word for \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcbetrothed\u00e2\u20ac\u2122, but also for \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthe one hoping to be betrothed\u00e2\u20ac\u2122, for \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthe one who lost a betrothed to a challenge\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 or \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthe one who lost a betrothed by agreement\u00e2\u20ac\u2122, and so on and so forth. Especially interesting is the vocabulary referring to widows and widowers. There are usually three kinds of phrases for that situation. A neutral one \u00e2\u20ac\u201c \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthe one left behind\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u201c a hmm…<\/i> positive one \u00e2\u20ac\u201c \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthe one who chose to stay\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and a negative version \u00e2\u20ac\u201c \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthe one who couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t follow\u00e2\u20ac\u2122. Those sets of terms exist for Bonded and Mated partners of either gender.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Nyota took a deep breath and met Kirk\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes. The next part was … difficult.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There is no such term for a surviving t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153In this ancient, complex language family, with those extremely specific expressions that reflect the finest nuances of extant and broken social, familial, and telepathic connections, there is simply no word for that at all<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
After he thanked Uhura politely for her time and her detailed explanation, she excused herself and headed back to her friends. Jim remained behind, clutching his cooling tea, trying to make sense of what she had told him and, more importantly, of how Spock had reacted to his counterpart\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s message.<\/p>\n
What bothered Jim was that whole mythical heroes shit. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not me,<\/i> he thought. His tea was cold now, with flaky spots of essential oils marring the reddish surface of the liquid. He recalled a conversation with Spock about the topic: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not a hero; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a symbol.<\/i><\/p>\n
And old Spock with fucking tears <\/i>in his eyes, goddammit.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my issue,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he muttered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Okay, he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think Spock was thrilled<\/i> with that kind of illogical mythological baggage. But that was definitely not why he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d run away like that. So if it was not the word itself, then it must have been what old Spock had said \u00e2\u20ac\u201c or failed to delete \u00e2\u20ac\u201c at the very end: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153As I once was.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
So old Spock and his own counterpart had been Bonded, too, had been … t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i>. But his counterpart was dead, and old Spock was alive.<\/p>\n
And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it,<\/i> Jim thought. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the problem. That he could be alive when he should be dead. Because death is our deal. Because death defines us in this universe. More than life ever did.<\/i><\/p>\n
He got up. To be all alone in his mind was hard. Oh Spock.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
The observation lounge was dark, but not empty. Spock was there, sitting stiffly on a couch near the window screen.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim whispered as he sank to his knees in front of Spock, blocking his view of brilliant stars, of colorful nebulae, of the universe. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I get it, you know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock regarded him, pale and silent.<\/p>\n
Jim took Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands and drew them to his face, to his meld points. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I get it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he repeated. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fine. No matter what happens.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
For a while they stayed like that, Jim on his knees, Spock on the sofa. Heartbeats passed into the quiet warmth of living bodies, breaths whispered away into the darkness, stars sailed by in the distance. Gradually, the terrible silence in Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mind dissolved.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Gimme your hand,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim demanded at last. Without waiting for a reaction or a reply, he drew Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s left hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss into his palm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I have a gift for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock still didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t speak, but he quirked his left eyebrow and allowed Jim to position his hand between them, palm turned up.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more to us than that one word,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said firmly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153More than life. More than death.<\/p>\n
He placed one of Guinan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s white marbles in Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that? That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a fact.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u009dJust above our terror, the stars painted this story
in perfect silver calligraphy. And our souls, too often
abused by ignorance, covered our eyes with mercy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u201c Aberjhani, I Made My Boy Out of Poetry<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Author\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Notes<\/b><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Stephen, his cat Ilya, and the Dionysus are from Vonda N. McIntyre\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Star Trek tie-in novel \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Enterprise: The First Adventure\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Barque cats belong to Anne McCaffrey and now to Anne McCaffrey\/Elizabeth Ann Scarborough.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Star met …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and the related references in that passage are quotes from Leonard Nimoy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s poem \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We are star-met\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 V\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Ger\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s questions and the relevant answers are from \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Star Trek: The Motion Picture\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 The towels with the relevant slogans are of course a reference to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Hitchhiker\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Guide to the Galaxy\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 The transliteration of t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la <\/i>vs. t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i> is explained in the Vulcan Language Institute\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Introduction to Traditional and Modern Golic Vulcan Grammar. The other explanations concerning Vulcan language are completely AU but highly relevant for the plot of this story.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Guinan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s white marble is a reference to the game of questions Jim and Spock play in chapter 11. (I still haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t made a prototype, but I really want to.)<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 The thing with Christmas: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had awesome discussions on LJ and Tumblr and G+ about what Earth would be universally famous for in the 23rd<\/sup> century. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not easy to come up with what could be typical for humankind as such. Most spontaneous answers included booze or sex in some way (but really, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what every species will export if they have it). Someone suggested Velcro, and I still adore that answer. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to hear what you think of my interpretation of the question \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and if you have some ideas to add, please share!<\/p>\n “Hope for Tomorrow” by Aranel Took, a tie-in for “The Resilience of Hope”<\/strong><\/p>\n There is now a tie-in for this story! “Hope for Tomorrow” is a unique and original companion story for “The Resilience of Hope”. Written from the perspective of Lieutenant Elena Amell, “Hope for Tomorrow” relates the events from the crash of the Vengeance on San Francisco to the launch of the five-year mission. There’s adventure and romance, lots of interesting stuff that ties in directly with “Resilience of Hope”, cameos of recurring characters, and much more!<\/p>\n If you have the time, please take a look at the tie-in, and leave some kudos & comments love: “Hope for Tomorrow” by Aranel Took at AO3<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Stars Paint This Story, Cover Our Eyes With Mercy Stardate 2260.330, 1000 hours, Bridge, USS Enterprise 1701 The Enterprise was speeding towards the second, more distant star of the Lytasian binary. Jim watched the fiery orbs of the two yellow … Continue reading
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