Jim woke with a hard-on, pressed against his lover\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ass, clinging to his hot skin. He knew Spock was awake, had probably been awake for hours. Not just because that was a Vulcan thing \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Vulcan biology 101: Vulcans didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need as much sleep as Humans did \u00e2\u20ac\u201c but because he felt Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wakefulness in his mind. He was able to sense as much, but he was unable to do anything about it. Irritating.<\/i> The sensation was similar to whatever remained in his mind from the meld with old Spock. Stronger, though, not as painful and much more distinct. He wondered at the similarity. Hmm.<\/i> Well, their minds must be almost identical. After all, they were both Spock<\/i>, give or take a century, a life, a universe.<\/p>\n
And speaking of minds … if he had to lie awake for hours with nothing to do, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be absolutely bored out of the same. There was almost nothing he hated more than being bored. (Except possibly being dead, and that only in advance and retrospect, because actually being dead, well, nothing to it. Which of course was the whole point.) He straightened and pressed a kiss between Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122know, you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to stay in bed just because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m still asleep.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock turned around. His fine black hair was just a little tousled, the most beautiful hint of a bedhead Jim had ever seen. He looked at Jim intently, eyes huge and so damn gorgeous. Jim swallowed hard. To have Spock here with him. Suddenly he wanted Spock so much it hurt. An ache in his bones, that kind of wanting. That deep. As if it had been there even before he was born. He liked it though. It was without doubt one of his happiest thoughts ever. And that? So weird<\/i>.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Happiness is weird,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he declared, perhaps abruptly, but still a perfectly logical conclusion to his reflections. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know? Most of what I remember in terms of happy? If I mentioned some of those things to anyone but Guinan or Bones, it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be real good for my career.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Much like Guinan, Spock didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ask questions. But Jim wanted to answer them anyway. Perhaps one day words wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be necessary between them anymore. For the time being, though, words remained important. To make sense of themselves and what they shared. Damn, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll pass my next psych eval with flying colors,<\/i> Jim thought with a grin.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Driving a car over a cliff when I was twelve,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153One of the best moments of my childhood. I even wrote a holo-scenario about it this year. When I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t recognize myself in the mirror anymore after a Spice trip. I think I was seventeen then. I remember because things got better afterwards. Getting beat up by no less than four Starfleet cadets. (Five, if you count Uhura, and you totally should because she throws a really mean right hook.) That was a good fight. Bones offering me booze in the shuttle. Even though he ended up puking all over me. When I <\/i>upchucked after the Kobayashi Maru.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sobering, he added, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Some saner stuff, too, though. Center chair, of course. Having that commendation stuck to my uniform top. D\u00e2\u20ac\u2122you know, the first attempt, he actually stabbed my nipple? I think there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still a scar. When I was told Pike would live. Thank bog <\/i>Khan managed to warn me about that damn bomb just in time. Finding Jo in the reading fort.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d A deep, deep breath, inhaling the scent of Vulcan-hot skin and the crisp, neutral smell of freshly laundered standard Starfleet bedclothes. It was kind of pathetic how he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had to work up to what he wanted to say. But that he had and that he could? That in itself made him happy all over again.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/i>Jim said.<\/p>\n
Finally a reaction. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Duh.<\/i> Who am I Vulcan-married to? And don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t start on finicky translation issues now. Point is, you<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim thought of his happy Spock moments. Getting choked by Spock on the bridge. Not a happy moment in an entirely healthy way, Jim knew that. But it was. Heavy and hot and dangerous, but yeah, happy. Spock returning to the Enterprise at the very last moment, drama queen fashion, just to pull Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pigtails. Spock not dying on Nibiru. Arguing in circles around Spock with Uhura in the shuttle. His<\/i> death instead of Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. Waking up in Starfleet Medical with Spock holding his hand. He realized he could add even more moments to his list by now. Until he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shake the feeling that happiness might make up a sizeable chunk of his life. And that? So weird<\/i>.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Happiness is a complex emotion,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said softly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153in my studies I have come across many different definitions, psychological, philosophical, theological, none of them satisfactory.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim hummed his agreement. Happiness was<\/i> weird. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And your own?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I shall endeavor to formulate one,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock promised.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Spock gazed at the Human resting his head on the pillow next to him. Those brilliant hazel eyes, that fierce smile, the puzzled frown. Spock thought his personal definition of happiness might be condensed into three letters.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bones said to lay off my ass for another day yet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim remarked suddenly, a greedy, mischievous glint in his eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If possible,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/i>he added pointedly, squirming a little closer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I understand if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s impossible. Would even … appreciate it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Most certainly not,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said.<\/p>\n
The conversation with Doctor McCoy, Doctor M\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Benga and his brother had not been pleasant. He did not share the doctors\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 optimism. He failed to understand his brother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s irreverent nonchalance; Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s willingness to submit to the humiliations of biological compulsions entirely alien to the human species shocked him.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, come on,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim complained. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m horny, and this is supposed to be our honeymoon.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim surprised Spock with how effectively he pushed his feelings at him through the Bond \u00e2\u20ac\u201c just how much he wanted Spock, now<\/i>, right now, and how he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind a bit of pain, how much he trusted Spock, and how it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bad to be helpless with him, not at all\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I<\/i> do not like that,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock whispered his reply, unable to keep his fear from bleeding across.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Whoa, Spock …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Given how sore Jim still was, Spock was taken by surprise at how quickly and thoroughly he managed to wrap himself around Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. Although Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin was so much cooler than his own, Spock was warm. More than warm. But Spock was still too unsettled from cataloguing his reactions to the stimuli he had been exposed to during the conversation with the doctors and Sybok to let himself be distracted.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Emotional control has never come easy to me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock admitted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But now I find that …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Now he knew<\/i> why pon farr<\/i> was so devastating. It was not so much the intensity of these passions that ripped away Vulcan control but their very nature. The impulses of the mating Bond belonged to an entirely different emotional system, to a different area of the brain, to a primitive response cycle, which translated emotion directly into action. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I failed to comprehend the complexity of the situation.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not perfect,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said and pressed even closer, letting Spock feel his erection, his desire. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to be. Not for me. Because you already are.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That statement makes no sense whatsoever.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim huffed a laugh into his skin, damp breath and hot, wet lips. The sensation should have been unpleasant, but went straight to his groin instead.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So what did you figure out concerning your emotions?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim asked. Spock realized he had underestimated Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s capability for control and manipulation. How could Jim focus on their conversation in spite of his obvious arousal? And then he surprised Spock again by adding an explanation about just that: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not that it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t interfere with thinking. Lust, I mean. Feelings in general. But I guess the human brain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty good at compromise that way. Or we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have died out long ago. I mean, if we stopped thinking altogether as soon as emotions were involv\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He broke off, startled at the wince Spock had been unable to suppress. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s enough,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim ordered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You tell me what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re so wound up over now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
It was logical to share his thoughts with his Bondmate. It was beneficial. Shame was irrelevant. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You have been told that Vulcan feelings run more deeply than human ones. But that is beside the point. The nature and processes of Vulcan emotions are inherently different. And even that is, as the saying goes \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcjust the tip of the iceberg\u00e2\u20ac\u2122,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock replied. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The complexity of Vulcan emotional systems has eluded me so far. I can perceive them only now. Barely.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because of the Bond,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, once again entirely too perceptive for a Human. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Bonded before.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He fell silent and seemed to focus his attention on tactile explorations of Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders, throat, and collarbone, until he halted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh. Systems.<\/i> Dude, making me pay attention to grammar when I really just want to have sex is so unfair.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yet he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to mind. He drew back far enough to meet Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes with a steady hazel-bright gaze. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re freaking out because you already have trouble controlling your normal emotions and now you have to deal with a second set and …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim frowned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why pon farr<\/i> is such a killer, hmm? It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t actually strip away your emotional controls. It switches off your normal emotional system.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fathom the content curiosity he sensed from Jim. The way he was already directing his attention to Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body again. In particular to Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sheath and the way his penis reacted to Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s touch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hmm…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> Jim sighed appreciatively. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So now that we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re Bonded you get aroused same as me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock replied, finding it hard to focus on Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s question with Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s finger tips trailing the most intimate parts of his body, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I have allowed my body to emulate your arousal. Without the Bond it would be difficult … almost impossible … for me. But without having undergone pon farr<\/i>, I should not desire this.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But you do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock replied truthfully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I do, very much.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mhmmhmmm…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> Jim sighed and pressed himself against Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s erection. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the human bits in you? Or my nefarious influence.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He grinned smugly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So since we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not supposed to have intercourse again … Do you suppose a blow job falls within the parameters of passive behavior according to pon farr<\/i>?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock had absolutely no idea what to say, especially since the sensations Jim elicited with his touches were wreaking havoc with his already unbalanced brain.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Probably not if I go down on you when you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re on your back,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim pondered aloud, unfazed by Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lack of reaction. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But what if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m on my knees in front of you and you just fuck my mouth?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your single-mindedness is astonishing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock found himself unable to resist Jim as his lover pulled him up and to the side of the bed. Couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t move away when Jim settled on a pillow on the floor. Couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t withdraw from his touch when Jim interlaced their hands. Could only gasp for breath when Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth closed around him, warm and wet and strangely wonderful.<\/p>\n
His controls slipped. Need took over, pounding in his blood, driving his body into a mindless rhythm, into Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fingers and mouth pulling at him, into pushing against Jim with his hands and his penis. Spock gave himself up to the see-saw of sensations, which usurped his sanity. Until his heartbeat stuttered in a frantic climax that made his stomach constrict. Until his orgasm sent his mind and seed spilling into his lover in helpless completion.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Lunch with Sulu had been Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s idea, of course. Spock had to admit, though, that it was a logical attempt to undertake. Not a complex social situation, but a short meeting, which would allow them to catch up on ship\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s business. Doctor McCoy was going to be present, too. A solid, sensible step forward into what would be their new normalcy as Bonded couple in their position as command team.<\/p>\n
McCoy arrived first, with updated diet forms for both of them, but mostly to remind Jim sternly that they were on medical leave and that their lunch with Sulu was neither a meeting nor a briefing. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, Jim, so remember you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get just a short update. Bare bones. Some facts. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it. If you try to grill Sulu, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m gonna throw him out. And then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll make sure no one talks to either of you until I declare you fit for duty again. Oh, and just to make myself perfectly clear? In that scenario \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcno one\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 includes the computer. Gaila will make sure of that, too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Predictably \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the statistical likelihood of that specific reaction was so close to 100% that Spock didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trouble himself with decimal points \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Jim rolled his eyes and protested. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bones. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get why you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re mother-henning like that. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re big boys here. We know we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re on medical leave. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re taking it easy. No parties. No more shore leave. As soon as one of us feels woozy, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll go have a nap.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He glanced at Spock, grinned, and licked his lips. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Naps are good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have needed the Bond to realize where Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thoughts were headed. But through their connection a shockingly graphic depiction smashed into him in a physically painful emotional transference. He froze, helpless, uncertain how to react.<\/p>\n
To his intense discomfort, McCoy scrutinized him intently. Then the doctor grabbed Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder and turned him around with a jerk to face Spock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d McCoy told him.<\/p>\n
The effect on Jim was immediate. He cringed, sending a sharp spike through the Bond. Spock never knew how he came to stand between Jim and Doctor McCoy, only that the doctor was suddenly in front of him and taking a very slow, cautious step backward.<\/p>\n
Shame flooded Spock and tore at his already tenuous controls. In an effort to center himself, he pressed together his finger tips and slowed his breathing, inhaling deeply, into the k’rawhl<\/i>. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am sorry, Doctor,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Perhaps I should leave.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
McCoy watched him carefully for a minute or two. Then he shook his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nope,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do anything wrong.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then he very deliberately pushed past Spock and slapped Jim on the upper arm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You, neither, idiot.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock did not miss how McCoy kept his eyes on him the whole time. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I assure you, Doctor, I have myself under control again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thought so.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d McCoy smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re doing well, Spock. But Jim? That right there is why you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re on medical leave for four weeks. You get upset, he gets upset. He gets upset, we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what happens next. Got that? Seclusion after Bonding is normal for ordinary Vulcan couples, which you are most certainly not. Right now we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re at a stage of our mission where we can give you the time you need with no harm done. So you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll damn well take it, all right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I … sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Suddenly he was on his feet and leaning against Spock. He grasped his wrists, then slid his fingers upward until he could press cool palms against Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands. Love and contrition flowed into Spock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I still like our naps, though,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he murmured, batting his eyelashes at Spock.<\/p>\n
In response to the stimulus of Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s comment and the connected memories, Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sympathetic nervous system responded with vasodilation, flooding the skin of his face with hot blood. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So do I,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he replied honestly.<\/p>\n
Uncharacteristically, McCoy made no further remarks but instead busied himself with the replicator, consulting his PADD, punching in requirements and cursing under his breath.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Sulu arrived on time, PADD in hand. Before he had a chance to get out an appropriate greeting, Doctor McCoy growled at him, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lunch first. Talk about the weather.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Once again human behavior left Spock at a loss. Instinctively, he turned to Jim, who shrugged. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bones is a Southern gentleman,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim quipped. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No politics, no religion, no sex at the table.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d But the peacefulness he projected clumsily at Spock was at odds with his impudent grin.<\/p>\n
They sat down. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The storms on Arrakis are indeed interesting,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock remarked obediently after staring at his salad for a long moment, taking in that Doctor McCoy obviously considered his caloric intake insufficient, as this version of vranto<\/i> salad contained cheese and nuts beyond his preferred mixture of lettuces and herbs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A simplistic hypothesis proposes the storms are only an accumulation of multiple vortices, which can be explained with the turning of the wind vectors by planetary rotation. However, I believe that beyond Coriolis forces several other factors are involved in the formation of the storms. For example the almost constant temperature difference of 27\u00c2\u00b0 C as an annual mean between the equator and the poles, as well as the B-class planetary rotation, which breaks up the circulation of the climate into cyclones and anticyclones. Additionally, the excess of ozone needs to be taken into account. It creates a heat barrier, which intensifies the severity of storms …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sulu\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s carefully neutral face and his artificial preoccupation with his soup alerted Spock to the fact that he had once again erred in the correct approach to casual inter-species communication. Doctor McCoy was even more transparent with his wide-eyed stare and twitching lips.<\/p>\n
Jim laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153One day, Bones will learn how to communicate with Vulcans …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim turned from his bowl of what Spock identified as chili con carne and pressed a quick kiss below Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right earlobe, leaving behind a sting of spices and a peculiar mixture of discomfort and … Spock did not manage to control an immediate physical response to the stimulus; he shivered. A reaction most unbecoming a Vulcan. But when he cast a quick look at Doctor McCoy, the man just smiled. Another glance told him Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s overtures did not seem to have perturbed Lieutenant Sulu. Of course there was no logical reason for him to assume that would be the case. Most likely his uneasiness was just an effect of the new Bond.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Actually,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said thoughtfully, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153with those giant vortices of over seven thousand kilometers in diameter, layered on top of each other and absorbing all energy within their zone of influence, down to the electric impulses of pre-spice mass, you end up with one hell of an energy overhead. All that power has to go somewhere. In a real bad storm, wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it simply zap the heat barrier as such? Like, effectively overturn the atmosphere in places?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Doctor McCoy shuddered, completely ignoring the keen meteorological insights Jim had so casually offered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Those storms flatten you with seven hundred kilometers an hour, and they are loaded with dust and sand like damn grinding machines. First they eat the flesh off your bones. And then they clean them right up and wear them down into kindling. This planet is a killer,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he declared, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153and when it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done with you, the sandworms will dance on your corpses.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bones, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think sandworms know about tango,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But thank you for playing, anyway.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He pushed away his bowl. Spock noticed with concern that he had not consumed half the contents. This was unprecedented and worrisome. Aware of his own nutritional needs after the past days, Spock welcomed the big bowl of hearty vegetable stew the doctor placed in front of him as a main course and traded an alarmed glance with McCoy when Jim faced his steak with reluctance. Only when he stabbed a few chips with relish, Spock relaxed.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now, Hikaru,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim ordered and stole a piece of vegetable from Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bowl, an action Spock found illogically pleasing. He perceived and promptly ignored the urge to dip his spoon into the bowl and feed Jim. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tell us what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s up with the ship,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim requested. With a wry look at Doctor McCoy and a crooked grin, he added, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153As much as you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re allowed to tell us, that is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sulu smiled slightly as he finished the dish of grilled meat and vegetables of his main course. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think I am permitted to tell you that the ship has so far neither exploded nor imploded.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never have guessed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then he stared in disbelief at McCoy as the doctor placed a bowl with replicated chocolate pudding in front of him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Since when do I rate a dessert?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Since you lost even more weight.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d McCoy scowled at Jim.<\/p>\n
Spock experienced an unreasonable surge of anger at the doctor taking such an intimate interest in Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s diet. He quenched the impulse. The reaction was irrational, illogical … out of character<\/i>. He analyzed the emotion and was not surprised to find a connection with the primal needs and instincts associated with the Bond. Turning his attention back to the present, he found himself the object of subtle scrutiny by Doctor McCoy. Obviously, the doctor was more familiar with the intricacies of Vulcan mating behavior than he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d let on \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and he was testing Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s limits.<\/p>\n
Spock raised an eyebrow at McCoy. Forking up a piece of gespar<\/i> pudding with soltar<\/i> fruit, he offered Jim a taste. The way Jim ducked his head and smiled at him while accepting the food soothed Spock and filled him with strange warmth. The sensation was reinforced by a sense of amused acceptance in his mind. Clearly, Jim had realized what was going on as well.<\/p>\n
Only when McCoy had cleared away the dessert plates and they had cups of coffee and tea in front of them, Sulu finally switched on his PADD.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve finalized trade agreements with the Fremen and the smugglers three days ago,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu announced with satisfaction. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It went pretty much the way Commander Paul predicted. Pergium and a trading license covering all Federation starbases for the Arrakis Trade Union in return for their facilitating Spice trade with the Fremen and transporting Spice deliveries to the nearest starbase. The Fremen get our assistance with an application to the Federation Council for terraforming procedures on Arrakis. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be staying another month for a preliminary surveillance.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu looked up from the PADD. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Since both Vulcan High Council and United Earth Government have already agreed to render all relevant support provided climate, flora, and fauna of Arrakis are not irrevocably damaged, the petition to the Federation Council is just a formality. The condition imposed on the terraforming plans will prove a challenge for generations of scientists, and no doubt lead to some disappointment for the Fremen. But thankfully that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not our problem.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu scrolled down the PADD, then flipped to another screen. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We expect to get the formal confirmation from Starfleet Command in ten days.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well done,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, nodding. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I had a good feeling about it all from the beginning. Halleck\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a real character, but not a bad guy. And the Fremen are quality people. What else are you allowed to tell us?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sulu glanced at McCoy as if to confirm a prior agreement. McCoy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reaction was his customary scowl, which naturally elicited a frown from Jim. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sybok finally made progress with Thorby.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
At that Jim surged up in his chair and leaned forward. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Did he get the data?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sulu inhaled and tensed. Spock was unable to tamp down a similar reaction. Thorbehrak\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s plight and his open resistance to traditional Vulcan ways left him conflicted. Spock found his emotional response to the situation both unsatisfactory and disturbing. It would be beneficial to devote a meditation to the issue, perhaps even to talk to Sybok about it \u00e2\u20ac\u201c unpleasant though the notion was. He started at a soft touch. Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand on his arm, fingertips only, bright hazel eyes promising questions later, frustration etched around his mouth.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Could he extract the information from Thorby\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mind, Mister Sulu?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim asked, tense, emphasizing the formal address. But he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t remove his hand from Spock. And Spock found he did not want him to.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Details will have to wait, Captain.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He met Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s annoyed gaze steadily. Spock approved, even though like the captain, he would have preferred a thorough explanation at once. Sulu went on, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can assure you that details really can<\/i> wait. As it turns out a part of the problem was the sheer amount of data stored away in the kid\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mind. Baslim was desperate. He had Thorby memorize years\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 worth of data. A human mind would have been fried, and apparently even Vulcan minds have limits. Commander Paul asked me to inform you it will take weeks to analyze the data, and that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing else we can do at this point. Sybok will continue working with Thorby while we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re here. Commander Paul hopes that Sybok will enable Thorby to access all of his memories again. He would be an invaluable eye witness.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu looked pale, his thoughts obviously straying to just what the child must have experienced.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That may prove impossible,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said, although he appreciated his brother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s willingness to attempt healing the broken mind of the boy. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If a trauma is intense enough, the Vulcan brain can excise any related memories to ensure its continued functioning. What has been removed cannot be restored.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
McCoy stared at him in shock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That sounds as if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re saying you can lobotomize yourself!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock inclined his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Crudely put, yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim drew back. The moment he removed his hand, Spock could feel him trembling. At the same time, Spock sensed a change in their connection: Jim was scared<\/i>. A most uncomfortable experience, close to the threshold of physical pain. Spock was at a loss of how to react. He wanted to reach out \u00e2\u20ac\u201c wanted to restore the connection \u00e2\u20ac\u201c fear \u00e2\u20ac\u201c helplessness \u00e2\u20ac\u201c how to control himself\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n
Somehow his face or posture must have betrayed him.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shit,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim murmured. He got to his feet and moved behind Spock. Before Spock could protest conduct that was unbecoming of two senior Starfleet officers in public, Jim put his hands on Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders. With an awkward burst of pure emotion, Jim pushed the Bond between them wide open. Fear and horror, old and new, touched his mind, but also enough warmth that the pervasive awareness of ambient temperatures always a few degrees too cold for comfort that Spock was so used to faded.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you always that cold?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d At his back Spock sensed the motion of Jim shaking his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry, Sulu. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re kind of still getting the hang of things here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim inhaled deeply, issuing a sound that Spock classified as a sigh, but Jim didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t move away. Instead, he calmly addressed Sulu, continuing their conversation. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good news, Sulu. What else? How are you enjoying your time in the center chair? Any problems with the crew?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153As a matter of fact,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu said, diplomatically choosing not to reply to the second question, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153there has been an incident that has warranted a minor reprimand for a few crew members.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim groaned and returned to his seat, only to reach out again and rest a hand on Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thigh. Strangely, his touch was … pleasant. Instead of challenging Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s emotional control, it seemed to steady his mind. Once more, Spock was forced to acknowledge how rudimentary his understanding of all facets of the Bond still was, and how beneficial the doctor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s decision was to force an extended medical leave on them, with limited social and official interactions.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What happened?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim asked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Another pub brawl?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Four crew members got drunk on shore leave and subsequently had to be physically retrieved from the pool.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lieutenant Sulu\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face betrayed amusement rather than annoyance over conduct unbecoming.<\/p>\n
Next to him, Jim snorted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who was it? Let me guess. Scotty and some of his buddies got wasted and decided to use Keenser as a water ball?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sulu snorted, and for some reason Doctor McCoy flushed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not this time. It seems Lieutenant Gaila, Lieutenant Amell, Lieutenant Paul and Ensign Canningham had a girls\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 night out. Apparently, they were pretty tipsy when they got back and decided that skinny-dipping in the pool would be the perfect end for their shared shore leave.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hot damn!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim exclaimed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tons better than a pub brawl. Who were the lucky guys to break up the pool party?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Doctor McCoy fidgeted in his seat. Once again Spock failed to understand human humor and discomfiture. He said as much. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I fail to perceive what is so amusing at four officers endangering their lives and acting in a way that is unbecoming Starfleet personnel. Or why the crew members who had to intervene should be considered \u00e2\u20ac\u02dclucky\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim leaned back in his chair and laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh my god, Spock,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he gasped, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re killing me over here \u00e2\u20ac\u201c idiom, Spock. Just a phrase.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Catching his breath, he chuckled again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s amusing because I doubt the girls were in any serious danger or<\/i> seriously embarrassing Starfleet. And whoever got to pull them out of the pool is a lucky guy because …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d McCoy interrupted him sharply. His ears and neck had acquired an astonishingly deep ruddy complexion. Spock could not recall witnessing a similar physical reaction in the doctor before.<\/p>\n
But Jim only burst out laughing again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?! Bones, you were one of the lucky guys? Hot damn, man. Way to go. So which damsel in distress did you get to save, Prince Charming?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
When McCoy glowered at Jim instead of answering his question, Sulu turned to Spock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim is right Spock,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he explained patiently. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It was not a dangerous situation or threatening crew morale or the standing of Starfleet or anything like that. And well, for many men it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a hardship to drag a pretty, naked woman out of a pool …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, Sulu,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim sniggered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can totally imagine how that might turn into a hardship …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153JIM!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d McCoy snarled.<\/p>\n
Jim rolled his eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bones, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m married. I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t joined a monastery.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Before Spock could correct him, Jim added, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Spock, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just colloquial expressions. Also, you know Bones knows better.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He glanced at Sulu with a smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And since Bones briefed Sulu before lunch, Sulu has all the facts, too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Doctor McCoy<\/i> thinks it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time to wrap up this lunch now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d McCoy announced with a scowl. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And since he happens to be CMO on this ship, his will shall be done.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim sighed but offered no argument. Spock for his part would have preferred to review the ship\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s log in detail to discuss the details of Lieutenant Sulu\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s first longer period as acting captain but also kept silent as such an activity could not rationally be reconciled with the sensible restrictions of medical leave imposed on them.<\/p>\n
They rose to their feet. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you, Hikaru,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said and held out his hand to Sulu. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you for taking care of the Enterprise. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry we got you stuck with the conn.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He smiled wryly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And thank you for putting up with us for lunch.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lie, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d much rather have the two of you in charge, Captain. But Leslie and I are getting there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He nodded respectfully to Spock, before turning back to Jim. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Also, in terms of emergencies, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think they get much more pleasant than this one.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sulu smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Congratulations, Captain, Mr. Spock. On behalf of all bridge teams.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Jim sat cross-legged on the couch, cradling a cup of peppermint tea and enjoying the buzz of yet another hypo that was supposed to help with his sore muscles. On the other side of the coffee table, Spock sat on his meditation stone, perfectly centered, his expression peaceful. A hint of harmony flowed through their connection, and Jim wondered if he might actually make progress with his own attempts at meditation now.<\/p>\n
Jim inhaled the refreshing scent of mind and considered the day so far.<\/p>\n
He couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help grinning. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had their morning after talk and some pretty awesome morning after sex. Of course there was also that bit about Vulcan emotions, and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d need to discuss that some more with Sybok and M\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Benga and Bones. There were all the things Spock didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, not just because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never done that before but because there was always the possibility that his human heritage changed things for him.<\/p>\n
Lunch. Okay, so Bones was right. They really needed to be on medical leave for now. Sure, it had been mostly little things. The effects and limitations of the Bond. Like, Jim was pretty sure he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t eat meat anymore. At least that was a theory easily tested. But he also found he wanted to give in to the small urges that apparently came with the territory. Sharing food and touches in ways that went beyond standard human behavior for newly-weds in a professional situation. M\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Benga and Sybok seemed sure that every little bit would help with pon farr<\/i> later on. Spock hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t disagreed, although the whole thing made him crazy uncomfortable. So, yeah, he could see the benefits of staying off duty for a while longer.<\/p>\n
Spock blinked, his face coming alive as the serenity of meditation faded into a mellow expression. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim knelt in front of him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Want some tea? I could do with a second cup.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d How strange it was just to spend time together. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t expected how not doing anything much, even if they did it together, could be so … nice.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tea would be pleasant,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock agreed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Perhaps we might also talk about whom to inform concerning the changed status of our relationship beyond the administrative requirements imposed on us by Starfleet.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh yeah.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you think we can tell older you? We have to tell Sarek.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock inclined his head, his complexion tinged a little greener than before. Jim attempted to focus on the presence in his mind. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, Spock, let me try. I get why you think we should wait with more serious experiments. But I need to practice. So let me feel<\/i> you. Come on. Open up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
With a sigh, Spock offered up his hands. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This will help.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or distract me into sex,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim muttered but took Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands anyway.<\/p>\n
Spock raised an eyebrow and relaxed into his touch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you desire practice, I shall oblige.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim laughed and closed his eyes to concentrate on what Spock allowed to transfer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You … like<\/i> that I<\/i> like older-you. But … you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not sure you<\/i> like yourself. Why ever not? You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re both kind of awesome. And …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He opened his eyes again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Concerned, he leaned forward to kiss Spock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m right here. We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know if they had what we have.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock just looked at him. Jim held on to him tightly, hands and mind. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s such a thing as universal constants, this would be the one I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d choose, too,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim whispered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And yeah, we could probably find out right away if you dug around in that part of my mind. But …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153… we should respect his privacy and wait until we can ask him in person,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock finished the sentence. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I agree.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But we can send him a message about us, at least.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim frowned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Also, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re still not warm enough. Look, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stupid. I can wear shorts and a t-shirt in here no problem. Computer, raise temperature another ten. My feel-good temp may be lower than yours, Spock, but I hate being cold about as much as you do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He wondered if Spock would agree to try out the sauna in the spa area with him. Since they were not allowed to return to Dune, that would be a good alternative to warm the Vulcan up. Or perhaps a desert scenario in the holo-deck … One day he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to do some sightseeing on Vulcan-that-was, but they were not ready for that yet. Right. Vulcan.<\/i> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A message to Sarek, too. Anyone else?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sister, Doris Grayson, and my cousins. Jemima or \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcJimmy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u201c she still prefers the humorous diminutive to her proper name for what she tells me are illogical human reasons that I simply have to accept if I expect her to answer when I address her \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and Lester.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just a metaphor, about Earth being the only home you have left? You have real family back there?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It was illogical to feel that pleased about such a sentiment \u00e2\u20ac\u201c pleased, too, about Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ready pleasure at his discovery\u00e2\u20ac\u201d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not illogical at all, Spock, and whoa, I got that almost as clearly as if you said it out loud. Cool. Sure you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t uh…<\/i> flicked that switch in my mind there?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t attempted that yet. Nor will I until I am certain we can cope with the connection such as it is,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock replied firmly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But yes, I have human relatives in Seattle with whom I enjoy cordial relations. My mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sister, Doris, works with a publishing company. Lester is three years older than I am. He and his partner Mark are lawyers. Jimmy is a year younger than you are. Now that the Spice trade is secured, I believe she will move to New Vulcan to aid the colony.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wow.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim pondered the ramifications of Spice, the Vulcan Genome Registry, and Human surrogate mothers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that even going to work? All those emotional human women, and then all those new babies?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I do not know,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It has never been tried before. I believe every effort will be made to form stable familial structures, which will by necessity be polygynous in most cases. How the conflict between a strategic rebuilding of the Vulcan gene pool and the tenets of infinite diversity will be resolved, I cannot tell at this stage. My counterpart is involved in the program, as he is aware of what some individuals achieved in his universe, who will never be born now if nature is left to run its course. Naturally, there is not much information at this stage. I do know that there is an agreement between my father and my cousin.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Huh.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> Jim blinked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That must be odd, and difficult.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Painful, too. He stood and drew Spock up to his feet as well. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153C\u00e2\u20ac\u2122mon. Tea and cuddling. The doctors said so.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
They ended up on the couch, touching as much of each other\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body as possible while still drinking tea and eating lirs<\/i> cookies. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So how about you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim asked after a while. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re done with this mission, do you want us to go to New Vulcan and do the family thing? I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure they must be after you about that, since you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a hero and all.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The shock that crashed through their connection tasted of pain and humiliation, and faintly, very faintly, of hope. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim, no. I am a symbol, not a hero,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I may be the personification of IDIC. I am<\/i> the product of my parents’ mutual affection, certainly. But no more. My DNA has never been filed with the Vulcan Genome Registry. Instead, you will find it in the databases of the Vulcan Science Academy. There is even the Vulcan equivalent of a trademark, if you want to look it up. And for the foreseeable future, the VSA will not have any interest in perpetuating hybrid genetic material. It is only logical.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He raised a hand to touch Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s meld points in a gentle caress. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do not be angry or hurt on my behalf.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim shook his head and captured Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand in a firm grip. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s part of my job description. So don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even start. And yeah, I do get how creating viable hybrids can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a priority now. Also, I am not keen on sharing you with another adult …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Except your older self,<\/i> he thought. Only I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like that much. Either of you. <\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nor I, you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Illogical though that may be, I do not wish to share you even with myself. Although it moves me how generous you are in your love.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153… but maybe adoption would be a solution …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock stared at him, wide-eyed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am at a loss what to say,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he confessed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I … a family of my own is nothing I have ever considered before. And I assumed that you \u00e2\u20ac\u201c your\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That my first and best destiny is to be a starship captain?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, your older version told me that, too. But remember what you<\/i> said, when we first discussed all of that parallel universe and alternate timeline shit during the Nero thing? I think it went something like this: \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWhatever lives we might have lived have now been permanently altered. Our destinies, whatever they were, have changed.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You possess eidetic memory.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know. So do you. But? Point is, even if we ignore the differences that extend far beyond Nero\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s influence and the fact how people can change, even if that is my first and best destiny, who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s to say I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a really awesome second or even third destiny? Bones tells me my life expectation isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t what it used to be. With a bit of luck I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be around a lot longer than my counterpart. So I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see why we shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take a couple of years after this mission and give that family thing a go. If we want to, that is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim wondered when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d started wanting that for himself because he sure as hell hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t anything to build on in terms of family relations. Though maybe that would change. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have I told you my brother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s moving to New Vulcan?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock shook his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was not aware that you are in contact with your brother.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. He sent a message while I was in hospital. Apparently having your baby brother come back from the dead makes you rethink some stuff.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim shrugged and didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t attempt to stop his bitterness from reaching out to Spock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anyway, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a research biologist. His wife, Aurelan, too. Currently they are on Deneva. But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not living up to the job description. As in, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just not interesting enough for them. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got a kid, Peter. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s … eight or nine I think.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim frowned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Aurelan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s always wanted siblings for him, but I guess there are issues. I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be surprised if she joins the surrogate scheme.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Suddenly Jim laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m trying to imagine that. All our families on New Vulcan, twenty years from now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Human imagination is remarkably fanciful,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said dryly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fascinating.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yup,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim agreed easily. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s me. Fanciful and fascinating. So how about we compose the message to old you first? Then we can write to your human relatives and to my brother. And when we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in the groove, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do Sarek. Errr…<\/i> I mean, we will let him know that his youngest kid has gotten hitched with a Human. You know, all polite and formal and Vulcan.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Spock stayed with his father in a moderately sized house at the outskirts of New ShiKahr. It was a practical, logical arrangement for two old men with busy lives and few needs. Additionally, Sarek was absent for months at a time He was still the Vulcan ambassador to Earth and stayed there for the better part of the Terran year. New Vulcan was more than a little out of the way, an arid planet close to the Gorn Hegemony. Even with one of the new warp nine capable vessels, the trip took more than a month. In consequence, Spock was alone more often than not. It mattered little; it was better that way; he could not, should not belong. And if the idea of isolation as penitence was illogical, the idea of work as act of contrition was only logical. What was left of his life belonged to what remained of his people.<\/p>\n
Yet his existence was not without joy. Knowing the generosity of spirit that seemed essential to Jim Kirk in any universe, perhaps it should not have come as such a surprise when this precious, young version of his t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la<\/i> wanted to be his friend. That his younger self made cautious overtures of friendship as well was a shock, he had not been prepared for.<\/p>\n
Out of isolation, grief and guilt, his new life took form and acquired rhythm in long days of patient labor punctuated by a cadence of comm unit chimes. At first, thanks to the widespread subspace relays in Federation space, he heard from them once or twice a week. Lately, their messages had become more infrequent as the Enterprise moved farther and farther from Federation space. He knew that soon the messages would most likely cease as distance of space and mind inevitably grew too great to bridge.<\/p>\n
He could see that, hear that, read that in every message, in those oblique references to incidents they could not discuss. Whatever had happened to the Enterprise since she left Federation space, it affected them both. They were growing older before his eyes, from one irregular video message to the next.<\/p>\n
Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s death had erased the smiling softness of youth from his face. To see growing experience and innate resilience marking Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face now instead of the terrible blankness of trauma was comfort Spock did not deserve. To soothe the haunted expression in Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes now that he was far away was solace Spock was not entitled or able to provide. Yet he ached for Jim.<\/p>\n
To watch the rawness in his younger self\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s features fade as a measure of peace and warmth returned to his gaze was hope Spock was not worthy of. To ease the fears and turmoils of his youth he dared not, could not. Yet he could not suppress the self-serving desire to succor the longing he saw in his own eyes.<\/p>\n
He never gave in to those impulses. Yet he always waited for the next message. The last missive had arrived nine days ago. They entered an orbit around Arrakis and would finally meet with Sybok. Based on the previous rhythm of subspace transmissions from the Enterprise it was not illogical to expect another message at this point. It was, however, illogical to long <\/i>for it.<\/p>\n
Spock went through the motions of his routine; working in whatever capacity his assistance was most beneficial on any given day, meditating many hours, sleeping little. Sybok was never evil, merely misguided. Perhaps he was even right. Here, now, nothing is as it was. The time frame, the location, the situation \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and even in his universe, the outcome of that encounter had been fortunate in the end. And yet …<\/p>\n
Tonight he returned home after a long session discussing the details of the repopulation program. Most of the men and women who had contributed to the achievements of Vulcan in his own universe were gone, and with them uncountable works of art and music and science. If and how the genetic material preserved in the Vulcan Genome Registry should be used in the effort to stabilize the Vulcan population was the most contentious topic on the agenda of the Vulcan feretaya <\/i>these days. Spock was inordinately grateful his true identity was known only to so few. He could barely live with the part he had played in the end of Romulus and the destruction of Vulcan. To endure any responsibility for who would be born on New Vulcan in the future was unthinkable.<\/p>\n
Wearily Spock sat down on the chaiselongue in front of the comm unit. Still no message.<\/p>\n
Only with the strictest mental discipline, he was able to subdue the terrible terror that lurked in his mind. Just like in those endless months after his t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122hy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122la\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s <\/i>disappearance, his mind was helplessly adrift. Forty-six days ago, a strange dream had disturbed his sleep. Thanks to his half-human heritage, Spock could dream but rarely did. Normally, Vulcan meditation and mind control techniques eliminated his physical and psychological need for dreams. But forty-six days ago he had dreamed \u00e2\u20ac\u201c for the first time since his Jim had vanished, in another universe, in another life, never to return to him alive. Spock had dreamed of the worldship they had discovered during their first mission … and of the distant glow of an energy ribbon in the very heart of darkness … From afar, he heard once more the last words that Scarlet \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the worldship\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s steward and a being capable of controlling the universe \u00e2\u20ac\u201c offered him: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are the fixed point of the stories. The stories could not move, without you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i> But Spock was lost; had been lost for ninety-six years now; loss was the only fixture in the universe, and the stories that had moved with him had only led to more loss. How much better, if not beneficial, it would be to finally fade into nothing more than a painful footnote of history.<\/p>\n
But tomorrow he was expected back at the new Vulcan Science Academy, at the hearing of the feretaya<\/i>. And today he could sit for a while yet and wait for another message. He was too weary even for meditation …<\/p>\n
The clang of the comm unit roused him. With a shaking hand, he pushed the button to accept the call. A subspace video message \u00e2\u20ac\u201c from the Enterprise! A second later, Spock found himself staring at the faces of a young Jim Kirk and a young Spock, sitting on the sofa in Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cabin, under the tapestry his mother had woven long ago, in this and another universe. Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hazel eyes were even more brilliant than he recalled, and his smile radiant. His younger self\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s expression was … Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s aged heart stuttered. Could he ever have looked that vulnerable, that happy? <\/i>As if on cue, the two young men raised joined hands to the camera. Together they recited a poem that did not even exist in this universe:<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We are star-met<\/i> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Old friend,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, still smiling, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been a while since one of us contacted you last. But much has happened. As you can see, we are Bonded now, my Spock and I. Sybok has overseen the process. He says the Bond is very strong. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re still getting used to the details of it. Bones has put us on sick leave for a whole month just in case.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He rolled his eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When you get this message, we will be back on the bridge and warping to the Black Cluster. Sybok and his healers should be well on their way to New Vulcan by then. He can tell you and Sarek all about our Bonding when he gets to you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim inhaled and gazed tenderly at his partner before he went on, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I remember how you read that poem to me when I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to believe there is such a thing as Vulcan love poetry. I hope you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind that we have appropriated it for our official messages to family and friends. But we both feel it is the perfect expression for what we are to one another. Nemaiyo<\/i>, Spock.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He leaned back a little.<\/p>\n Now his younger incarnation focused intensely on the camera, an almost-smile softening his mouth, his eyes warm with love. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It is as Jim says \u00e2\u20ac\u201c zhitlar t\u00e2\u20ac\u2122du, kudaya t’etek. <\/i>Your words are our blessing. And today I find that I do not mind offering you an entirely self-serving goodbye: Dif-tor heh smusma, Spokh.<\/i>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He raised his hand in the ta\u00e2\u20ac\u2122al<\/i>.<\/p>\n Smiling, Jim echoed the gesture. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Live long and prosper, old friend.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The transmission ended. Spock sat motionless, stunned, overwhelmed with emotions too intense for him to process, much less express … and with a mystery he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even begin to comprehend. While it was true that he had written that love poem, he had never shared it with Jim, in any universe \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and had always regretted his lack of emotional courage.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We are star-met<\/i> \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n Author\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Notes<\/b><\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 The passages about the storms on Arrakis follow the canon of “Dune” by Frank Herbert.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 The Vulcan Genome Registry is canon. If Spock’s DNA was ever registered I do not know.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Jimmy and Lester are semi-canon from the tie-in novel “Planet of Judgment” by Joe Haldeman. I took the liberty of turning Jimmy into Jemima for my own nefarious purposes.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are the fixed point of the stories. The stories could not move, without you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is a quote from \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Enterprise: The First Adventure\u00e2\u20ac\u009d by Vonda N. McIntyre<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We Are Star-Met Stardate 2260.253, 0800 hours, Deck 5, First Officer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Cabin Jim woke with a hard-on, pressed against his lover\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ass, clinging to his hot skin. He knew Spock was awake, had probably been awake for hours. Not just … Continue reading \n
We are joined<\/i>
We are blessed<\/i>
We who have found each other<\/i>
We are the dream of the ages<\/i>
We are the hope, the desire<\/i>
We are love.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
We are joined<\/i>
We are blessed<\/i>
We who have found each other<\/i>
We are the dream of the ages<\/i>
We are the hope, the desire<\/i>
We are love.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i>
\u00e2\u20ac\u201c Leonard Nimoy, A Lifetime of Love, Poems on the Passages of Life<\/i><\/p>\n
\n