\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you do …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Pike hesitated. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been about to say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153feel\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, but the point of this conversation was not to make the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth twitch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153… worry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sarek offered him a look that was the barest hint less than diplomatically blank. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It is a father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s duty and privilege in both our cultures to exercise a suitable measure of concern regarding the welfare of his offspring.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Pike translated that as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153of course I worry, idiot\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, and politely concentrated on the chess board on the table between them. They had claimed their by now traditional table in the rooftop garden caf\u00c3\u00a9 of Starfleet Medical in San Francisco. May sunshine warmed his back. The bright spring sunlight threw the many construction sites left from the wreck and ruin of the Vengeance a year ago into sharp relief. In two days the Enterprise was leaving on the first ever five-year mission of deep space exploration for the Federation. Just another day, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d finally be able to breathe. Pike would miss the kids, yes, and not just Jim, but young Spock, and that character of a CMO, too. But he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait to see the Enterprise gone and out of Federation star space.<\/p>\n
Jim had lost any chance at a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153normal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d childhood the moment he was born. Tarsus IV had marred his adolescence. The Nero incident … well, no one had walked away from that one unscathed. Nevertheless, Pike hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been seriously concerned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Normal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, in his opinion, was a less than helpful construct for assessing men in the center chair. Pike also firmly believed in the resilience of hope, in men like Jim and himself coping<\/i> with disaster. But now … Pike shook his head. Staying on Earth now would turn Jim into a specimen. Into a thing<\/i> instead of a person. Pike would have moved heaven and earth to get Jim out of here. Thankfully he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d only needed to push through the first five-year mission for deep space exploration of the Federation flagship with Command and the Federation Council.<\/p>\n
Pike considered his next move, sighed and sacrificed a rook. His mind was not on the game today \u00e2\u20ac\u201c not that it helped much when he was able to concentrate. He wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a brilliantly intuitive player like Jim, and no one could out-logic a Vulcan at chess. However, if a casual exercise of Vulcan-human diplomatic relations in form of a strategical board game constituted the excuse Sarek needed in order to keep talking about the kids, Pike was all for it.<\/p>\n
Sarek and Pike had started meeting here over a year ago. Jim had been more dead than alive at the time, in spite of the miraculous effects of Khan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s blood. Pike himself had still been a patient here, after the bomb ruse to draw out Marcus had almost ended in a catastrophe. But Pike was Starfleet\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s official liaison with Vulcan, a job he took very seriously. So even in those days there had been conferences and debriefings and consultations, most of them involving the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth.<\/p>\n
Then Ambassador Selek had been transferred to this hospital. Apparently, the old man had fallen ill around the time Jim got himself killed, and for some reason the Vulcan healers recommended he should recuperate on Earth. Pike had no idea why, or what condition he suffered from to start with. Not a topic you asked Vulcans about. Not before Nero, and certainly not now. Vulcan healers thought an elderly VIP patient should recover on Earth from whatever the guy was suffering from? He got the best room in Starfleet Medical yesterday<\/i>, no questions asked, no comments made, no press statement released. In this case, Pike was one of the chosen few who knew a few salient details about why that particular patient was so important \u00e2\u20ac\u201c to all of Vulcan, but especially to Sarek. However, not even a Centaurian slug could make Pike pry for more information unless it was vitally important. But what even what little knowledge he possessed had served to form a connection with Ambassador Sarek \u00e2\u20ac\u201c perhaps precisely because he never asked any questions.<\/p>\n
Those factors combined had led up to this afternoon, an hour now routinely set aside each week for a game of chess, Admiral against Ambassador. At first their \u00e2\u20ac\u0153casual\u00e2\u20ac\u009d meetings had been pure protocol, and there had been no chess involved. Artificial diplomatic functions, stiffly executed, without any recognizable political or personal profit for either party. Playing chess had paved the way to a more constructive relationship, which in turn had been instrumental in getting Jim the hell out of here and back on the Enterprise. And now, Pike entertained the notion that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153playing chess\u00e2\u20ac\u009d had become a metaphor for two old worrywarts doing some of their worrying together. Sarek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reply rather confirmed that suspicion.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Pike offered and leaned back into his wheelchair. Sarek raised an eyebrow at that statement, an expression Pike had observed in both the elder and the younger Spock as well. Pike suppressed an inappropriate grin and explained, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153An illogical human statement without any decisive data to back it up; often intended to provide emotional comfort to the speaker himself.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ah.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sarek made his move. It was downright mediocre and could only serve to increase the length of an already tedious match. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My late wife was particularly adept at providing emotive commentary beyond the emotional control traditionally practiced by Vulcans.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Which meant that Amanda had been able to comfort Sarek when even ancient Vulcan practices had failed. And possibly something like \u00e2\u20ac\u0153thank you, my friend\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in Standard.<\/p>\n
For a while the two men continued to play in silence. One uninspired maneuver followed the next, merely to be thwarted by yet another dismal strategy that only served to prolong the game. Yet both men were content to keep playing, if only to enjoy the mellow, quiet atmosphere of the rooftop garden. When Pike caught a minute change of expression on Sarek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face \u00e2\u20ac\u201c a hint of a shadow of a frown \u00e2\u20ac\u201c he experienced more than a hint of smugness. His ability to interpret Vulcan facial expressions had improved considerably during the last year. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153May I inquire as to how your other ah…<\/i> family member is faring, Ambassador?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
With the slightest exhalation, Sarek looked up. They both knew that Pike didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean Sybok. Not that Pike was officially even aware of Sybok\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s existence. Or any details concerning the top-secret assignment for New Vulcan that formed a part of the five-year mission of the Enterprise. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153His condition is satisfactory.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d After a moment, Sarek added, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I will accompany Ambassador Selek back to New Vulcan when the Enterprise has left orbit. If the outcome of scheduled examinations on New Vulcan is \u00e2\u20ac\u201c as expected \u00e2\u20ac\u201c positive, I shall resume my duties here on Earth … shortly thereafter.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Pike smiled at Sarek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s concession of using less than exact terms to lay out his answer. After another sip of iced tea, he sighed. This could be construed at will as a reaction to the refreshing beverage or an emotional utterance and was therefore acceptable within the boundaries of polite conversation with a Vulcan. In an apparent non-sequitur he commented, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I may have no kids of my own, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m beginning to realize they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never get so old that a parent can stop worrying about them. Check, by the way.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sarek stared at the chess board with such a stony expression that Pike feared he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pushed too far. But then Sarek just looked up with a clearly visible, wry twitch of his lips. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That has indeed been my experience,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said mildly, before ending the game with a solid checkmate.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
At first Joanna had worried that her outburst at dinner had endangered her plans. But as it turned out, her fit of temper had helped, rather than hindered. When her father came to the door of her room in the temporary accommodations for Starfleet personnel in the morning, and she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d responded with a muffled \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go away\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d actually done just that after asking her to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153understand\u00e2\u20ac\u009d once more and promising regular subspace messages. Why that hurt so much even though it was what she wanted (she needed him gone; he mustn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice her careful preparations), she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand. But it did, it totally did. In the end she spent another precious twenty minutes crying, before she was calm enough to hack into her dad\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s PADD. Theoretically, Personal Access Display Devices should be, well, personal. But Uncle Jim had taught her a trick or two about computers, much to the chagrin of both her parents.<\/p>\n
Well,<\/i> she thought later, catching sight of her swollen eyes and blotchy face in the bathroom mirror, that should help my cover story, at least.<\/i> She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been in the theater group at her old school in Georgia. She knew a bit about how costumes and make-up made a performance more effective.<\/p>\n
When she checked her dad\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s comm logs, she couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t suppress a whoop of triumph. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d asked her chaperone \u00e2\u20ac\u201c \u00e2\u20ac\u0153chaperone\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, even thinking<\/i> that old-fashioned term made Jo wrinkle her nose … seriously, was that even still a word nowadays? \u00e2\u20ac\u201c to leave her alone until dinner, expressing his hope that she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have calmed down by that time. Leaving her be was his best helpless dad strategy. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d counted on that when she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d formulated her strategy of escape. She took a deep breath. It made her plan more likely to succeed.<\/p>\n
Jo wiped damp palms on her pants and picked up the phone to vid-call her best friend in San Francisco. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d met Ari after her dad had forced her to go to school here, right after her mom\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s death in the crash of the Vengeance. At first she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d hated it, being the country hick among the nerdy Starfleet kids. But then she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d met Ari at band practice. They were both playing the clarinet. Bass, too. And that was that. Best Friends Forever status achieved. You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t both play bass clarinet and not be BFF. Law of the universe, or something.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a go,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo said, her heart pounding. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got the sound bites and vid footage ready?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yep. Everything\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s set up. Parents are out of town for the weekend. Some conference in New Orleans. And it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s their wedding anniversary. Mom\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been going on about a restaurant there, Sisko’s Creole Kitchen or something. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be there for dinner this evening, making gooey eyes at each other \u00e2\u20ac\u201c definitely not checking on us tonight. Brother dear has been appropriately blackmailed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ari did her best to sound confident and cool, but Jo saw that she was worried, what with how she tugged at her ponytail. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re sure you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, I am,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo said firmly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe not if I could stay here, with you … but there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be dumped on some planet in the backyard of boondocks central.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Awww. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll miss you, too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ari took a deep breath. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right, so when should I expect the first call from the dragon?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Around dinner time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo explained, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dad told her to leave me alone until then so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have a chance to calm down and behave.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She stuck out her tongue. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to leave her a note with your name, but nothing else. So she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll spend at least some time looking you up. Thank goodness there are seven Delmar in the San Fran contacts details database. With a bit of luck you won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be the first she calls.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ari nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153With what we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve recorded for playback, we should be good for another day … at least until my parents return. Right.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Another deep breath. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell them that you wanted to go back home. So they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be searching for you there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
And not on the ship, Jo thought. After her dad had shot down her idea of joining the civilian contingent of the Enterprise right from the start, in that icy, harsh tone that told her there was no arguing with him, she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been careful never to mention that idea to anyone but Ari. The counselor at school was convinced she desperately wanted to go back home to Georgia.<\/p>\n
Jo remembered how Len had asked her about that, way back when they first started planning her escape. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been out on the paddock with Ari\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pony.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How do you even think of stuff like that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ari had asked.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo replied, concentrating on the pony. Misty was adorable. A Welsh white with black mane and tail. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I learned from the best.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like the tone of her voice, but she went on regardless. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153See, it was like this, my dad made that mistake with mom. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d show her how important it was to him to see me whenever he could. And then mom would go and make it as difficult for him as possible. If he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pretended that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just do what he had to because the court said so …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
The only thing comfortable about the ensuing silence was the swish of the pony\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tail. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like your mom much, did you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
Jo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face felt unbearably hot. She couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t breathe. Somehow she still managed to reply: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No. Not really.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d After a pause she rallied and added: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Also, Uncle Jim \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the captain? He was, like, the best at survival strategies and tactical analysis and stuff. He told me you gotta give the enemy something they want to believe. And you must never ever let them realize what you really want. So there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
And that,<\/i> Jo thought, is why my plan is going to work.<\/i><\/p>\n
On the vid screen, Ari shook her head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I hope this works,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she told Jo. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The way I know my parents, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be grounded for the next five years. So it better be worth it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It will work,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo said emphatically. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And you better believe that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be grounded, too, once they catch me. Put in the brig, most likely, on water and protein nibs.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153At least you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be on a starship.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ari sighed, wistful.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll message if they let me. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll bring back some souvenirs for you. Like, weird alien artifacts or something. Roomies at the academy, I promise.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo ended the call.<\/p>\n
With a fierce grin, she turned to her bed and pulled out her kit from underneath it. The most important part was her costume. She had to look like she belonged. In such a casual way that no one would look at her twice. That meant standard Enterprise ship\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s clothing for civilians. In her case, a blue jumpsuit, gray wraparound tunic, and an old blue med jacket from her dad. A messenger bag with the Enterprise logo, the kind many girls her age lugged around. Not a big bag, but enough to hold her PADD, underwear, socks, an extra top, and toiletries. She broke her comm unit and dumped it into the recycling unit because she knew she could be tracked with that. Damn. All those pics and IM exchanges with Ari that she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d saved. But no matter. Her plan was more important.<\/p>\n
Then she sat down at the desk and wrote her note: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Staying with my best friend Anrela Delamar for two days to say goodbye. Will be back in time for take-off. Bye, Joanna.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/i><\/p>\n
A glance at the clock told her it was time to get going. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d picked one of the last six shuttlecrafts scheduled to take civilians up to the Enterprise from San Francisco spaceport. There might be some kind of pomp and circumstance put on for the final shuttle. She couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t risk that. Until the Enterprise was too far away from Earth and any reasonable route to Centaurus to make her leave, she must not draw attention to herself.<\/p>\n
Her plan was very simple. Another trick Uncle Jim had shared. Keep it simple. The more complex a strategy is, the more can go wrong.<\/p>\n
Jo took the maintenance stairs at the back of the temporary quarters and quickly made her way over to the port facilities. Once there, the first thing she did was get her hair cut and died. Maybe that was overkill, but she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d rather be safe than sorry. There were people on board of the Enterprise who knew her. Although it was a big ship, she was bound to run into one of them at some point. If that happened before they were at a safe distance from Earth, she wanted to have the best chance to slip away unrecognized. She looked a lot like her dad, except for her eye color. Her mother had hated that about her. Anyway, extremely long black hair and bright blue eyes stood out a little too much. Short medium brown hair and dark brown contacts? Not so much.<\/p>\n
Pleased with her new, much more nondescript appearance, Jo wandered through the crowded halls of the spaceport to the shuttle gates. It was always busy at the port, but Jo thought it was even worse today, with beings rushing around every which way. Or perhaps she was just nervous. She was glad that she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d done more than research where the Enterprise shuttles took off. Four times she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d managed to persuade her dad to take her up to the Enterprise. Therefore she knew where she was going, when she had to present her ID as dependant of a Starfleet officer, and things like that. Even where best to hide on the Enterprise \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Mister Scott had told her that. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been delighted with her many questions. She also knew that an ensign would fly the shuttle, and that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be a list of passengers and that her name wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be on it. Her worst fear was that crew members would be among the passengers of the shuttle. Crew members who were well enough acquainted with her dad to recognize her and to know that she wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t supposed to be on the Enterprise.<\/p>\n
But when she cautiously approached the crowd waiting at the gate to board the shuttlecraft, there was no one she recognized and no one paid any attention to her. She was just one of a dozen or so kids milling around or poring over a PADD or playing with their comm units while they were waiting. At last a man appeared at the gate, an ensign in engineering red with the badges of a navigator. He was pretty young, Jo guessed, around twenty or so. And he was seriously cute, with light brown curls and gray eyes. He introduced himself as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Chekov, Pavel Andreievich, in charge of your transport today, ladies and gentlemen.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d As expected, he produced a PADD and started reeling off the names of the passengers to enter the shuttle. He had a strong Russian accent, but Jo thought he sounded rather endearing that way.<\/p>\n
Ten minutes later all other passengers had disappeared inside the shuttle. Jo stood in front of Chekov and did her best to look sad and sheepish at the same time. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is there still room for me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not on the list,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Chekov said with a confused look at his PADD.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, I know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo ducked her head and held out her ID. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Joanna McCoy. Jo.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, you are the doctor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s daughter! I did not know that he has children. How wery nice to meet you. A pleasure, really, a pleasure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Chekov beamed at her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So vhy are you not on the list?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jo shifted uncomfortably on her feet, glancing around nervously. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Errr…<\/i> thing is, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not supposed to be on Earth right now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d For the first time in her life she was grateful that she flushed so easily. Her cheeks were burning right now. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I had to say goodbye to Matt! He\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She broke off and dashed at her eyes, hoping that she still looked like a lovesick teen complete with crying jags. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my boyfriend,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she whispered, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153the first boyfriend I ever had, and Dad hates<\/i> him. I swear Dad\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s forcing me to be on the Enterprise just to get me away from Matt!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She balled her hands into fists to illustrate her fury at her father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cruelty \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and to keep them from shaking with nerves. Biting down on her lower lip, she raised her head and gazed at Chekov as entreatingly as she could. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dad will kill me if he finds out. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll ground me for the whole five years. You must know how he is …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Chekov nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your father is a wery fierce man,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, awe in his voice.<\/p>\n
Jo exhaled a shaky sigh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So do you … do you think you could maybe take me with you even though I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not on the list? And uh…<\/i> maybe not mention it to my Dad when you see him?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Chekov fiddled with the PADD, considering her request. A moment later he nodded decisively and beamed at her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Of course I can. I know how it is, being young and in love. Is hard to say goodbye for five years, yes? But if he is a good boy, he vill vait for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He put the PADD away. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You will have to join me in the front, though. Back\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s full. Hope you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Somehow Jo managed not to squee and spoil it all. Five minutes later she was strapped in on the co-pilot\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s seat. Twenty minutes later they were on the Enterprise. And ten minutes later, she stood outside the shuttle bay, saying goodbye to Chekov.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be too angry with your father,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Chekov said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am sure he means vell. Fathers must protect their daughters.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, I suppose so,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo admitted grudgingly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And at least I got to say goodbye to Matt. Thanks for helping me out, Mr. Chekov.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153A pleasure,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Chekov said and bowed to her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I hope I vill see you again soon.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, me, too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She grinned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not in the brig for one reason or another …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
On the day of their departure, the captain summoned Spock to his office for what he called \u00e2\u20ac\u0153working lunch\u00e2\u20ac\u009d before the Enterprise left orbit that evening. Spock tried to explain that he did not require sustenance at this point of the day. But Jim Kirk was nothing if not insistent: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nonsense, Spock, a bit of salad won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hurt you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Now Jim was turning away from the replicator, precariously balancing various bowls on hands and arms, like a waiter in a Terran restaurant or the kind of circus acrobat called a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153juggler\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
Something stirred inside Spock. A … sensation … a sentiment …<\/i><\/p>\n
He hesitated for a reaction time of 75.4 milliseconds, a rather mediocre value for a Vulcan male his age. Another testament to the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153disadvantage\u00e2\u20ac\u009d of his birth.<\/p>\n
Illogically, he allowed the emotion to expand. One second. Warmth suffused him. His heart rate accelerated to 246 beats per minute. Two seconds. Relaxation akin to the harmony of meditation spread throughout his body and grounded him in the moment. Three seconds. His mind opened up, reached out, in … relief … appreciation …<\/p>\n
… gratitude.<\/i><\/p>\n
Spock stopped the process precisely when Jim \u00e2\u20ac\u201c it had been impossible for Spock to think of him as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153captain\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or even \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kirk\u00e2\u20ac\u009d for twelve months and eighty-eight days now \u00e2\u20ac\u201c reached the table and deposited his load with a sigh. Watching Jim opening and arranging bowls, Spock noted that his emotional experiment had lasted exactly 3.6 seconds, had elevated his subjective sense of well-being by 7.2 percent, and that he was now able to balance his hormone levels with an ease normally present only after a successful meditation cycle. Interesting.<\/i><\/p>\n
Suddenly Jim froze mid-movement and stared at Spock, salad bowl in hand, hazel eyes wide and bright with curiosity. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know that look! I know that look. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re … you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re feeling<\/i> something.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The expression of awe on the captain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face was disconcerting. Spock increased his control over his facial muscles to an appropriate level. Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face fell. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And now … now it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gone.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He frowned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What are you doing? Are you on a diet or something? One feeling per day? Or what?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Vulcans do not \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcdiet\u00e2\u20ac\u2122,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said and hastily busied himself with laying out plates, glasses, and cutlery. He noticed that Jim had chosen only vegetarian fare for this so-called business luncheon, in a pleasing selection of Vulcan and Terran dishes according to a harmonious scale of increasing spiciness. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We are in complete control of our endocrine systems.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim grinned, adding the last bowl to the arrangement on the table. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, in that case you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got nothing to worry about. Dig in.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
To his surprise, Jim didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t follow up on his uncomfortable conclusion about Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s latest experiment in managing his emotions. Instead he proceeded to pile his plate with a mountain of salad, disregarding origin and taste, pulled a couple of PADDs next to him, and promptly proceeded to smear salad sauce over the glossy surface of the PADD closest to his plate.<\/p>\n
Spock considered the possibility that this action might be intended to distract him further from their initial exchange and was somewhat surprised at the comparatively high probability of 72.8%. That result did not sync with what Spock had come to consider as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153normal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d behavioral patterns for Jim Kirk. But it did fit a series of untypical interactions between them since Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s release from the hospital three months prior. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d finally been \u00e2\u20ac\u0153set free\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, as he put it, in order to start preparing the Enterprise for their five-year mission. Since then, several instances of untypical behavior had demonstrated Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s capability of consideration concerning the attitudes and customs of another culture \u00e2\u20ac\u201c namely, of Vulcan culture.<\/p>\n
It had started with Jim using cutlery for every food he consumed in Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s presence, even for items traditionally eaten with hands by Humans. Next Spock had noticed that Jim had started to order only vegetarian dishes when they ate together. Last but not least, Jim \u00e2\u20ac\u201c who was a very physical person, always reaching out to those he regarded as friends in many instinctive and, for his race and culture, socially appropriate ways \u00e2\u20ac\u201c had become extremely circumspect about touching Spock.<\/p>\n
Diplomacy and applied politics belonged to the core curriculum of Command track. Intimately familiar with the captain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s personal file, Spock was well aware that Jim had excelled in those subjects no less than in any others. Why Jim so often chose not to employ these skills in a productive manner, Spock couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fathom. Since harmonious cooperation among the command crew \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and between friends \u00e2\u20ac\u201c were a universally desirable goal, Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s change of behavior should have pleased Spock. However, irrationally, it did not.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hmm, chickpeas,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim mumbled around a mouthful of salad. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good stuff. And garlic. Hope it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not too much for your taste. Anyway, here,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he thumped the PADD, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153last minute dispatches from Starfleet HR. Updated fraternization rules. Seems they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve realized that if they send a crew with so many young people out there for five years, celibacy isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to work.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim attacked a cabbage leaf with bizarre relish. Spock noted with mild concern that the circulation in Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ears had increased to the point that their coloration had noticeably changed due to additional blood flow. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right, I know such stuff is no issue for Vulcans, but it is for Humans, and many other humanoids. So. Relationships between crew members must never adversely affect morale, discipline, unit cohesion, respect for authority, professional conduct, or mission accomplishment etc. The perception of favoritism or misuse of position must be avoided at all times, natch. A meeting with one of the ship\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s counselors is recommended to ensure that. For relationships within the same chain of command such a counseling session is required. If there are concerns, the counselor and the relevant superior officer will find a solution together with the relevant couple.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim had spoken faster and faster. Now he was running out of air, had to pause and inhale. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Also, which I am sure you know, but which I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m mentioning just in case you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t, you get carte blanche <\/i>for personal relationships, basically. Because of your unique status. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry I have to talk to you about all of that. But I thought you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d maybe prefer me talking to you to Bones talking to you. Even though of course you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to talk to him, too. At least when our next physicals are due, and he has threatened he wants to do them ASAP because he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trust Starfleet Medical. And that brings me to the next point on my list …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
His next victim was a cherry tomato, and Spock successfully suppressed a wince at the way the juices splattered over the PADD and the sleeve of Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s uniform. He had not anticipated that a light meal of salads could turn into such a display of violence against vegetables. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Those counselors,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim explained. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153They are sending four of them with us, two Humans, an El-Aurian, and a Betazoid. New regs say that in addition to our quarterly physicals we must endure a bloody therapy session.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Therapy session?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock frowned. Of course he was familiar with the basics of psychology and psychotherapy, not just pertaining to the Human and the Vulcan race, but also regarding the other members of the Federation and even more exotic races. Xenopsychology was essential for establishing a successful First Contact, after all. Additionally, psych evaluations were standard procedure for Starfleet officers. But regular meetings with therapists?<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, annoyed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153They want you to talk about your feelings four times a year.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
Spock looked scandalized.<\/p>\n
Oh boy, how Jim could empathize. Therapists were not his favorite kind of people. He hated digging around in hurt and horror. It was so much better simply to get on with things. With life. Time heals, damn it. Maybe not all wounds, but the point of surviving was to move on, right?<\/p>\n
But he did see the point of regular psych check-ups, especially on a five-year mission. There were some really awful cases of people running amok in the early days of spaceflight, including the Starbase 13 disaster. To this day, no starbase with that number had been recommissioned. Also, he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stupid. He knew that his personal preference for dealing with trauma was unhealthy. As captain, he could no longer afford the luxury of being an idiot because of personal hang-ups. And though he was loath to admit it, his weekly physicals with Bones and his chats with Guinan were a good thing right now.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Think of it as another take on those standard debriefing psych evals,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim suggested weakly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or if talking really doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work for you, I expect that the Betazoid, uh…<\/i> Dr. Eli Elbrun could do a telepathic assess\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice was harsh, bordering on emotional; he visibly shuddered at the very idea.<\/p>\n
Jim winced. He should have known, he really should have. A thousand Vulcan taboos plus the intensely intimate nature of telepathy, and Spock being a very private person even for a Vulcan … He got up and walked around the table to slump in the chair next to Spock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have suggested that. But you must know they sent him along with you in mind. In case you need telepathic intervention. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a buddy of M\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Benga, trained on Vulcan.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock repeated, calmer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am aware of the circumstances of Elbrun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s presence on the Enterprise, and it is … appreciated. A logical and beneficial assignment. But unless telepathic intervention is an absolute necessity for the safety of the ship or … my mental health, it is not … not an option I will choose.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153okay.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He could feel Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body heat, sitting so close to him, and suddenly he found himself wanting to touch Spock very much. Touch-telepath<\/i>, he reminded himself firmly. And: This is \u00e2\u20ac\u201c he is \u00e2\u20ac\u201c too important to fuck up.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then talk to Guinan,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he suggested, searching Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tense face. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s real easy to talk to, what with being El-Aurian. And she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nice. Not intrusive at all. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just another standard Starfleet thing, really. I … well, I tried playing the Vulcan card for you, but they wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t budge. Seems you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not special enough for that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim frowned, wondering when Spock had become his definition of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153special\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It … is only logical,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock admitted reluctantly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The emotional stability of the crew is important for a successful mission, and for all I am Vulcan I am merely one of many members of this crew.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He paused. To Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s surprise, he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t turn his chair away but toward<\/i> Jim. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You … you find it beneficial, talking to Guinan,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim rubbed his hands over his face. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t used to do this therapy thing. Hated it, in fact. I mean, it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change a thing, right? And I … I was who I was. Not about to change or apologize for that. I mean, that was all I had left. After …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He made a vague gesture. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153… you know my file.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gaze was intent on him, intense, and damn, he had beautiful eyes. Not just handsome or attractive. Beautiful.<\/i> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What has changed?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim resisted the urge of rubbing his face a second time and hiding behind his hands. He thought that talking about his feelings wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t much easier for him than for Spock. But his resolve remained firm.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I have,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said simply.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ah. The way you were … cured?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Jim nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And that was the easy part. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the reboot, you know what it did to me. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m stronger than a normal human being now, my life expectancy is supposed to be about the same as yours. Before, I was about as telepathic as an old boot. Now my psionic potential is off the charts. Which is also why they are sending Elbrun and<\/i> Guinan along. Khan is pretty stable for an Augment. But I <\/i>was never meant to be superhuman. I could go crazy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Never, Jim.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Not an expression of hope, or the reassurance of a loyal friend: a statement of an irrefutable truth.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think<\/i> you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I sure as hell hope<\/i> you are. But there are too many lives on the line to take any chances. However …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He took a deep breath. Spock was waiting for him to continue, ever patient. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not it, not really.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Another deep breath. A helpless gesture, indicating Spock, then himself. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This … us<\/i> …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said softly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not just about me<\/i> anymore. And you … you deserve the best of me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
For a moment he hesitated. More emotional honesty: He wanted to touch Spock. Had wanted to touch him again for over a year. Spock holding his hand had been the best part about waking in Starfleet hospital. Better even than not being, well, dead. But back on Earth, in the hospital, it had never seemed right. And the last three months had been so bloody busy.<\/i><\/p>\n
Jim held out a shaking hand, fingers spread in the traditional ta\u00e2\u20ac\u2122al<\/i>.<\/p>\n
And Spock … without blinking, without hesitation, raised his hand as well. Gently he aligned his fingers with Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s and pressed back against his hand, a hot, unwavering touch. Somehow Jim knew that he was shielding carefully to protect Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s newly telepathic and thus extremely vulnerable mind. But in spite of the effort that must cost, Spock only withdrew his hand when Jim finally stopped trembling.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Very well,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock said at last. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I shall endeavor to … talk about my feelings to Guinan.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153When a child first catches adults out \u00e2\u20ac\u201c when it first walks into his grave little head that adults do not always have divine intelligence, that their judgments are not always wise, their thinking true, their sentences just \u00e2\u20ac\u201c his world falls into panic desolation. The gods are fallen and all safety gone. And there is one sure thing about the fall of gods: they do not fall a little; they crash and shatter or sink deeply into green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. And the child’s world is never quite whole again. It is an aching kind of growing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i>
\u00e2\u20ac\u201c John Steinbeck, East of Eden<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An Aching Kind Of Growing Stardate 2260.128, 1600 hours, Starfleet Medical rooftop caf\u00c3\u00a9 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you do …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Pike hesitated. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been about to say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153feel\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, but the point of this conversation was not to make the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth … Continue reading