The heat was suffocating for a summer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s day in Iowa, the sun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s glare too harsh. Not the slightest breeze stirred the ragged remnants of tallgrass prairie clinging to the thin layer of gritty soil above the abandoned quarry. The cloudless sky pressed into upturned eyes with a painful, artificial blue.<\/p>\n
The engine of the red \u00e2\u20ac\u02dc65 Corvette convertible roared. The tires spun in a tornado of gravel and dust. In a blur of blue and green the world rushed past him. The simple physics of a car thundering toward an abyss ignited a firestorm of adrenaline in Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. This time, he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t open the door at the last moment. This time, he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t throw himself out of the car, tumbling onto unforgiving ground with no thought about breaks or bruises, hanging on to the ledge for dear life. No. With a triumphant scream he closed his eyes, threw back his head \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and stomped on the brakes. He hit the pedal so hard that a burst of pain exploded in his foot and flared right up to his hip. The four-wheel piston disk brakes engaged with a whining screech (the brakes and the optional big-block 396 had been the big hot stuff for the Corvette in 1965). Tires rattled and ground into rocks. The car skidded closer and closer to the chasm, pushing an avalanche of dirt and pebbles down the cliff. Then the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcVette tilted as the front wheels slid over the edge.<\/p>\n
In the sudden silence the noise of the past seconds echoed as a painful tinnitus inside Jim\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skull. He let himself float in the frantic drumbeats of his heart. His entire body throbbed with the rhythm. He was alive. After a long moment he exhaled and let his hands drop from the wheel. His palms were hot and sweaty, his fingers stiff.<\/p>\n
Jim took a deep breath and opened his eyes.<\/p>\n
Bright green-brown with flecks of amber. He stared at himself in the rear view mirror.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153His eyes\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s first comment when Jim had woken for the second time in that private room at Starfleet Medical. What an illogical comment. Jim remembered feeling his lips twitch. His surprise at that detail, that he could still smile.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153His eyes\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153… are just the way they are supposed to be,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Bones replied then, gruff. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Provided he lays off weird alien drugs this time around.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
Jim huffed, a hoarse, choked sound, startling both of his friends. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But Spice is one hell of a trip.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re one hell of an idiot.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\n
Jim hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been able to come up with a good argument against that. Instead he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d drifted in the haze of the really good drugs, the legal kind, too, and stared up at Spock and McCoy. Content. Peaceful. <\/i><\/p>\n
More than a year had passed since his death and his … his reboot.<\/i> Jim much preferred that term. His name and the word \u00e2\u20ac\u0153resurrection\u00e2\u20ac\u009d combined in the same sentence gave him the creeps. Reboot with an upgrade<\/i>, he thought firmly. That will do. <\/i>Not that he was real comfortable with that phrase, either, but he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t in a position to complain.<\/p>\n
Right.<\/i> He was here for a reason, he reminded himself.<\/p>\n
Space.<\/i> A Vulcan meditation stone had nothing on a Chevy Corvette convertible hanging over the edge of a cliff.<\/p>\n
Jim had stuff to think about. Sort out. Get a grip on. Or at least try to. Before they set out for their five-year mission of deep space exploration on Federation Day. Just three days from now. Captain has to get his shit together.<\/p>\n
Position.<\/i> In the cramped space of the driver\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s seat, it was impossible to pull up his legs even into a wonky semblance of the loshiraq<\/i> position. Instead he simply leaned back, pressing his legs against door and console for support.<\/p>\n
Uncomfortable, he squirmed against the hot, sticky vinyl of the backrest, itching with perspiration. His foot ached from slamming on the brakes so hard. Discomfort was good, though. It made him feel alive. Sex did that, too … But no. Simply breathing the dusty heat was enough. More than enough. Just fine.<\/p>\n
Hands.<\/i> He folded still sweaty fingers to keep himself from fiddling.<\/p>\n
His inability to sit still drove Spock crazy, and not just during meditation lessons. He knew that. But Spock\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s patience with him was endless. He knew that, too. His heart beat heavier at the thought, and a tiny shiver caressed his skin in spite of the stifling temperature.<\/p>\n
Mind.<\/i> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Concentration is like a dilithium-crystal,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he muttered the often heard definition, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153an intense focusing of the energy, intelligence and sensitivity.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ri\u00e2\u20ac\u2122a\u00e2\u20ac\u2122gra.<\/i> He sucked at this. Suddenly the silence bothered him, and his hand twitched with the desire to switch on the car radio. In a bout of nostalgia, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d programmed it with an authentic remake of a 20th<\/sup> century FM broadcasting show. Instead he inhaled deeply, breathing down into his belly, sinking into the sensation, in feeling his diaphragm distend.<\/p>\n For once he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been the one to die for those he loved.<\/p>\n Another deep breath. Let the thoughts come and go. Let the emotions come and go. The goal is not to judge or to suppress, but to discern, to accept, and to control.<\/i><\/p>\n Dying. Not a good experience, that. He couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t recommend it as a strategy. For one, it hurt like hell. There had been no light, no one to welcome him on the other side \u00e2\u20ac\u201c not that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d expected that \u00e2\u20ac\u201c just random auditory hallucinations. His mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice, Pike\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice, and another man\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t recognized. Perhaps his father. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t felt at peace. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been so scared. So scared. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been no comforting certainty of survival for those he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d tried to save, no knowledge that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d made a difference. Only curses he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t voice, words he never mustered the courage to speak, and a hand out of reach …<\/p>\n Dying sucked.<\/i><\/p>\n He exhaled. Do not indulge in thoughts or emotions. Observe. Accept. Let go.<\/i><\/p>\n Dying seriously<\/i> sucked. Coming back to life, however, did not. Most of all, because Spock was holding his hand when he woke.<\/p>\n His heart rate sped up again, with disconcerting thuds, and his stomach did that strange flip-flop thing again. When he tried to inhale, exhale, all with the appropriate technique, his breathing remained strained and shallow.<\/p>\n Watch your thoughts. Your feelings. Label them. Set them aside. Let go.<\/i><\/p>\n He swallowed hard. Therapy and counseling were well and good (for once he actually tried to cooperate). But he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help thinking it was kind of crazy of Starfleet to let him \u00e2\u20ac\u201c let them<\/i> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c back out there. Not that he was complaining. After all, that put him back where he wanted to be, on the bridge of the Enterprise. The irony of that train of thought did not escape him.<\/p>\n Another breath. More like a huff, almost a chuckle. Not an appropriate breathing technique, that, either.<\/p>\n He may be something of a maverick. He even accepted that fact about himself, and no, he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t consider that a wholly admirable quality. But maybe that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what Starfleet needed at this juncture. Still, he did take being Captain seriously. The responsibility for all those lives. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why everything had played out the way it did, after all. And why he sat here now and forced himself to acknowledge that there was no way a command team could ever be more emotionally compromised than they were, he and Spock.<\/p>\n Neither Spock (this Spock, that was; old Spock knew exactly<\/i> why Jim had chosen<\/i> to die) nor Starfleet were aware of how precarious his state of mind had been. But the bare facts were all out there. More than enough material to come to the correct conclusions. Various mission reports, debriefing protocols, extensive psych evaluations, as well as security camera footage of his death that he never wanted to see again in his life. All of that illustrated how he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d recklessly sacrificed his life when he might have had other, safer options at his disposal to get the situation under control. It put into harsh perspective how he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been happy to die. Add to that how a Vulcan \u00e2\u20ac\u201c supposedly in perfect control of the deep passions of his race \u00e2\u20ac\u201c had given himself up to rage so completely that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d commit murder for the utterly illogical purpose of avenging a Human.<\/p>\n Ample proof for how fucked up they were as a command team. The motivations Jim had managed to keep to himself were only nuances. Icing on the cake. How his actions hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been about the good of the many. Yes, he hoped he would have done exactly the same anyway if Spock had never been born in either universe. But Jim couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be sure. Because it had never been about the many. It was about the one. The Spock who knew. And the Spock who didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.<\/p>\n Yet in spite of it all, Starfleet were sending them back out there again. Together. Admittedly with a full mental health department adjunct to regular sickbay, and after months under close surveillance and turning him inside out with physicals and psych evals, but still. Just three days, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be back on the bridge.<\/p>\n Exhilaration threatened to distract him, and he turned his attention back to the issue at hand. Recognize the truth. Accept the situation. Achieve control in any event.<\/i> Could he do that? For the first time like, ever, he really didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to fuck up. Not his job. And not … everything else.<\/p>\n This time, he inhaled deeply, so deeply the tension extended down to his toes. Exhaled in a hyperventilating rush that clouded his vision with stars.<\/p>\n For the first time ever, he felt free.<\/i> As if by dying in the warp core chamber he had repaid the debt of his birth and his mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s final sacrifice on Tarsus IV.<\/p>\n His heartbeat pulsed in his tightly locked hands. His foot hurt, and his back itched.<\/p>\n Suddenly he remembered a fragment of a poem from the required Earth Lit 101 class at the academy that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d come to enjoy in spite of himself:<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Though lovers be lost love shall not; Jim opened the door and got out of the car. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Computer, end simulation.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He turned to exit the new holo-deck of the Enterprise. The sun and the sky still needed some work. The temperature had been much too high, even for Iowa. Or maybe he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d put in the wrong code? But all in all, the simulation wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t half bad. Even if he sucked at this Vulcan meditation thing.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n The elderly Vulcan known as Ambassador Selek to most \u00e2\u20ac\u201c it was only logical to use the name Spock had given before when it had been prudent to obscure his true identity among his own people \u00e2\u20ac\u201c in another time, in another universe … in another life \u00e2\u20ac\u201c stood on the rebuilt roof garden of Starfleet Medical in San Francisco and stared up at the sky. Velvet shadows of blue and black were already reaching for the fiery sunset that spilled over the sea and the western horizon. For a moment Spock indulged himself. He let his gaze rest fondly on a tiny pinprick of light above. Another three days the Enterprise would remain in orbit, until the starship would take off for Starfleet\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s first, historic five-year mission of deep space exploration on Federation Day.<\/p>\n Farewells had been spoken the previous day; warmly, every word, every gesture filled with friendship. Afterwards, Jim and his younger counterpart had beamed on board. Now few crew members remained on Earth, and they would leave soon.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am forced to acknowledge that time and space still contain infinite unknowns,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock admitted, astonished at his own arrogance, most unbecoming his race and age.<\/p>\n Next to him the curvy, dark-skinned woman gazed at him with gentle eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It bothers you that the past seems as unwritten as the future in your perception of this universe.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Everything that can happen does happen \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and has happened \u00e2\u20ac\u201c in equal and parallel universes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he affirmed. A child\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s long ago lesson, but true nonetheless.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thus in this universe Khan never was a ruler, but a rebel and one of the leaders of the revolution that saved humankind.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But still ruthless,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the old man observed, not exactly contradicting Guinan, but also not precisely agreeing with her \u00e2\u20ac\u201c a comment vague enough to cause him discomfiture.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A most uncomfortable hero,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she commented, and added, with a shrewd look, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But useful, considering his successful secret collaboration with Admiral Pike and Captain Kirk to expose Marcus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 conspiracy. And the resources he has provided the Starfleet with.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n At the thought of just what those resources encompassed, Spock shivered. Yet he pressed on, although he did not understand why, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Unparalleled resources, arising from and leading to situations of unfathomable consequences. And J\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/i>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He interrupted himself, allowing thought and emotion to swell and ebb. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And Captain Kirk …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Call him Jim,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the woman at his side encouraged, only smiling at the recalcitrant eyebrow raised at her in the dusk of the bay.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But he is not …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d An illogical refusal of a simple fact, unworthy of a Vulcan, and the underlying emotion inappropriate for his personal position.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, but he is,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Guinan countered, amused but tolerant. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This Jim may not be yours the way your<\/i> Jim was. But he is still \u00e2\u20ac\u201c yours.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And he should not have died!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock failed to keep his voice level. Not then; not there; not ever.<\/i> With a deep, shuddering breath he accepted the turmoil the mere thought stirred within him. Emotions were recognized; labeled; accepted; set aside.<\/p>\n Guinan shook her head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But he wanted to. Perhaps he needed to.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n For a long moment both of them stared across the dark waters and glittering lights of the bay. The breeze stirred the night-blooming jasmine in the garden at their backs, enveloping them in its sweet summer scent.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have had to experience such desires or necessities.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Spock bowed his head. The harsh, overly emotional inflection of his voice was unfortunate. He controlled his tone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153To be Vulcan is to embrace a philosophy, a way of life, which is logical and beneficial,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We cannot sacrifice a useful existence merely for \u00e2\u20ac\u201c for personal redemption \u00e2\u20ac\u201c for private grief \u00e2\u20ac\u201c no matter how intense our passions are. That is neither logical nor beneficial. And yet …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And yet you, too, have desired this. And acted upon this desire,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Guinan supplied, voice and manner calm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Guilt is illogical and unprofitable, too. Lay it to rest. He is alive; it would be wise to accept his gift.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Again they fell silent. Time passed. Thoughts and emotions ebbed and flowed, were recognized, accepted, categorized, and finally \u00e2\u20ac\u201c let go. Equilibrium was regained. At last the old Vulcan straightened. With an elegantly raised eyebrow he scrutinized his companion. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fascinating. I have not felt compelled to speak of personal matters to any being for ninety-six years, three months, seventeen days and ten hours.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am El-Aurian. I listen.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Guinan smiled.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n Joanna wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t talking to him.<\/p>\n The girl was barely eleven years old, and already she could pout for Earth. No, scratch that, for the Federation. Quite likely she was superior as a secret weapon against the Klingons to Khan himself that way. Leonard felt a sudden bout of relief and regret that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be spared her teenaged tantrums. In three days he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d leave with the Enterprise for five whole years. Joanna would leave Earth three days later to travel to Centaurus, where she would live with his sister and her husband, with the possibility of attending college on Cerberus in a few years. After her mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s horrible death in the Vengeance catastrophe a year ago, that was the best possible choice for his daughter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s future. He knew that. But if he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get himself killed on the upcoming trip, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d get to see his kid again only when she was almost an adult. Life wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fair.<\/p>\n Leonard stubbornly ignored a pang of guilt when an annoying voice in his head nagged that sending Jo to his sister was not the safest but \u00e2\u20ac\u0153the most convenient option\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/i> But resigning from Starfleet, leaving the Enterprise, was out of the question. No way in hell he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d let Jim go gallivanting across the galaxy all by his lonesome. His blood already ran cold at the thought of whatever mischief Jim might be up to right this moment, running riot on the Enterprise without proper supervision. Another thought popped up unbidden: Besides, someone had to be around to curb the suicidal tendencies of that bloody hobgoblin. Now that Nyota had ended her fling or thing or whatever it was that she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had with Spock that job<\/i> had been dumped in his lap, too. Leonard was even less suited for that task than for taking care of Jim. And if he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t endure the thought of losing them<\/i>, he sure as hell couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t deal with losing Jo. She was the best part of his life, and the only good thing that had come of his marriage.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the best option,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he repeated in an attempt to soothe the girl. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And you like Aunt Donna. And Uncle Fred. I know you do. The farm. The kerra’vein.<\/i>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He tried to come up with a lure no little girl would be able to resist. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I hear you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have your very own pony.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Joanna just glared at him, blue eyes blazing, with all the rage an eleven-year-old managed to muster. Suddenly he missed Jocelyn. For all her bitchiness, she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d always been able to talk Joanna off the ledge, make her see reason.<\/p>\n At a loss he stared at the cafeteria\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s menu. This was supposed to be their extra special farewell dinner. He had known it would be difficult. He had not expected he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be thinking of his secret liquor stash in sickbay before they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d even ordered.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Cheeseburger with French fries?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he suggested hopefully. A peace-offering for the special occasion.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There are families on board.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even look at the menu, arms crossed, chin raised. Little rebel. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d keep at him relentlessly until the last second. He just knew it. Dear lord, where did she get that stubborn streak from. Couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be his side. Nope. No way.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He managed not to comment on that idiocy. Not enough that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be busy patching the crew back together after whatever stupid stunts they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pull on a regular basis, now he was also looking forward to the joys of providing medical care to babies, toddlers, kids, and pregnant people. And aliens.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s really no reason for me not to come with you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, there is a reason, plenty of reasons, even,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he objected and found that her pouting had been easier to bear than her barrage of arguments. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A starship is no place for a kid. And the other kids that are coming are all part of families. So there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be people to look after them. And school. You need to go to school.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So? We are a family, too! And Aunt Christine said she wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind looking after me. Cheeseburger is fine.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Christine Chapel, you traitor.<\/i> Viciously Leonard punched their order into the touchscreen. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I need her on sickbay.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Janice said she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d help out, too. She always misses her little sister in space. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to have me. And there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be a school. Spock said so.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n A conspiracy.<\/i> Up until now he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been aware of the fact that Yeoman Rand even knew Joanna. Or the other way around. Whatever. He had never looked forward to getting on that damn starship like that before. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s much too dangerous. Your mother would kill me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My mother is dead<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo snapped. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because life on Earth is so safe.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The slot in the wall opened and their meal appeared. Joanna proceeded to ignore the cheeseburger she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been allowed for the special occasion. Leonard just stared at his salad. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want Joanna with him. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He wanted her too much. And he was desperately scared of losing her. No. A pleasant, out-of-the-way planet and a life in the stable family unit of aunt, uncle, and cousins was a much better, much safer place for his baby than a starship. Or Earth. Because she was right about life on Earth was no guarantee of safety, either. Crazy Romulans could blow up planets, giant spaceships bury cities.<\/p>\n Joanna straightened her shoulders, sitting as tall as possible, obviously preparing to launch what she considered her ultimate argument. Leonard ground his teeth together and steeled himself for the inevitable.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim<\/i> said he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d protect me. He promised. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the Captain. And he said I could come.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n That was the worst argument she could have come up with.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jim<\/i> just got himself killed,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Leonard snarled, fears and worries and rage of months seething inside. He could feel his pulse throb in his temples. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a miracle he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s even alive. And it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the captain. He could be a green-blooded hobgoblin and that wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change a thing. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m your father.<\/i> And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m saying no<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I hate you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jo shouted and burst into tears.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n In the gym Nyota claimed one of the running cubicles and set climate and landscape to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kenya, savannah, at dawn\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. Then she picked a selection of traditional percussion pieces to accompany her workout. The drum beats would steady her rhythm and help her relax. She would have preferred to spend another night or two on Earth, but communications was one of the departments that had to be on board first to prepare for take-off. In consequence she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been on board for weeks already before they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d finally leave orbit tomorrow evening. Engineering, of course, never really went home. For all intents and purposes, Scotty was <\/i>married to the Enterprise.<\/p>\n Anyway, she was now officially not just communications officer on the bridge, but in charge of overseeing the development, installation, operation and maintenance of all communications systems for the whole ship. Time off-ship so close to the beginning of their mission was simply impossible, no matter what she might have wanted (or whom). So she had to make do with running in the gym. Thanks to the state of the art accouterments that at least was no particular hardship.<\/p>\n Nyota set an easy pace. Yes, she wanted to keep fit. But most of all she needed a run to clear her mind.<\/p>\n As if on cue, one source of her annoyance entered the gym and disappeared in a flash of science blue, black hair and pointy ears in the last of the running rooms. The other reason for her irritation was probably still in the new holo-room. Boys and their toys. Though why Kirk had to test the newest entertainment feature on the Enterprise with a simulation of Iowa of all places and temperature settings of Vulcan-that-was escaped her.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The hobgoblin and the hick,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she muttered and increased her tempo. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Idiots and jerks, both of them,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she added for good measure, though without real conviction. Men. Really.<\/i><\/p>\n Officially, her relationship with Spock had ended six months (three days and whatever hours, minutes, and seconds ago … She still missed his way of teasing her with his predilection for exact values of anything from time to food on her plate to words per sentence). Unofficially, it had been over long before that. In fact, she should have called it quits even before the Nibiru debacle. The signs had all been there, for far too long: no intimacy beyond moments of crisis, no indication that their relationship was growing, that their connection was deepening. No sex. They had friendship and trust, yes, certainly, and a solid measure of personal and professional understanding. But not more. That hurt \u00e2\u20ac\u201c still did, as a matter of fact \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and stung her pride, too. And then whatever hopes she might still have harbored had died with Jim.<\/p>\n Her stomach clenched at the memory, and she slowed down so she wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stumble over her own stupid feet. To have someone look at her like that … to look at someone like that … to lose all of that \u00e2\u20ac\u201c all that could have been, all that should have been \u00e2\u20ac\u201c within one and the same heartbeat …<\/p>\n She focused on the horizon of the virtual savannah surrounding her and kept running.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then an honest to goodness miracle <\/i>happens.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Each syllable one step, each pause one breath. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And they aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t doing anything about it. Jim Kirk, finally grown up. Congratulations. But you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re doing it all wrong, buddy. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not how it works, not with Spock. Also, your timing sucks.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n In the interest of being honest with herself, she had to admit that Kirk so often rubbed her the wrong way because they were too similar. Both of them the determined, go-out-and-get-it type. She hoped she had more common sense than he did, but her own relationship with Spock didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t support that idea. Or how the delayed happy ending between her ex and Jim bothered her. She should be thrilled that the boys were attempting to be all mature and professional about it. Only, she wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. If they kept that up, the next five years would be very, very long<\/i> years.<\/p>\n The comm blinked and beeped. She put it on screen. Her annoyance faded, replaced by a surge of happiness and a hint of apprehension.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153John.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She smiled. Now that he was done working for Admiral Pike as a double agent, Khan Noonien Singh was officially and legally John Harrison, and she knew he preferred his new name. In the aftermath of the Marcus conspiracy, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d kept running into each other at Starfleet Command. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d become friendly during endless hours of waiting for yet another debriefing, yet another hearing. At least every other day they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d also met up at Starfleet Medical, visiting Kirk. A classical hallway romance. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So good<\/i> to see you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then she frowned, taking in the faint shadows of new bruises on the verge of being absorbed by his super-regenerative skin. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s whatever Starfleet\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing with you these days working out?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s classified, of course. But what would you do with men like us if you had a fleet to rebuild?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He smirked wryly. Then he gestured for her to keep running, appreciatively taking in her appearance \u00e2\u20ac\u201c snug running clothes, sweat and all.<\/p>\n She picked up her pace and pondered his reply, only to slow down again. But she did keep going. Well, she always did. Right. Fleet. Oh.<\/i> Near indestructible test pilots would come in handy for getting the kinks out of prototypes. She inhaled deeply. At least he was alive, unfrozen, and while not precisely free, also not locked up somewhere safe with the key thrown away. In the backlash of the Eugenics Wars it hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mattered that without Khan and his men the other Augments and their creators would have prevailed and ended up enslaving humankind. Dead martyrs had been easier to deal with than living superheroes then.<\/p>\n And, Nyota reflected uncharitably, if Starfleet didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need every man and woman they could get their hands on after Nero had decimated the fleet two years ago, maybe that would still be the case even today. Never mind that Khan had once again proven his loyalty to humankind, working with Admiral Pike as a double agent to expose and contain the Marcus conspiracy, even though the lives of his crew had been on the line the whole time.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said at last, because he was still waiting for an answer. John rubbed at his eyes. He had to be absolutely exhausted to allow himself such an ordinary, human-frail gesture. Her stomach tightened. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get yourself killed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n That got his attention. Blazing eyes focused on her, his gaze almost tangible in its intensity, even on the screen. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You really do care if I live or die.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Nyota stopped running and switched off the treadmill. Her heart wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t racing just because of her workout now. Her mouth went dry. She inhaled a shuddering breath.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Of course I do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n And death shall have no dominion.<\/i> \u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6\u00e2\u2122\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Meditation: based on \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Krakroa wh’ltrion\u00e2\u20ac\u009d at http:\/\/www.marketaz.co.uk\/StarTrek\/Vulcan\/med.html<\/a><\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Vulcan terms taken from Vulcan Language Dictionary (VLD), Compiled by Selek from Vulcan Language Institute, Marketa Z., Star Trek episodes and Movies, http:\/\/www.starbase-10.de\/vld\/<\/a><\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 the alien drug \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Spice\u00e2\u20ac\u009d referenced in this chapter naturally belongs to Frank Herbert\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dune\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153space still contain infinite unknowns\u00e2\u20ac\u009d quoted from TOS, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Naked Time\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Everything that can happen does happen in equal and parallel universes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d quoted from the tie-in novel by Alan Dean Foster, Star Trek (2009).<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153To be Vulcan is to embrace a philosophy, a way of life, which is logical and beneficial,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We cannot sacrifice a useful existence merely for \u00e2\u20ac\u201c personal redemption or private grief, no matter how intense our passions are. That would be neither logical nor beneficial. And yet …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d refers to what Spock says about being Vulcan in TOS \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Journey to Babel\u00e2\u20ac\u009d: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It [being a Vulcan]<\/i> means to adopt a philosophy, a way of life, which is logical and beneficial. We cannot disregard that philosophy merely for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" And Death Shall Have No Dominion The heat was suffocating for a summer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s day in Iowa, the sun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s glare too harsh. Not the slightest breeze stirred the ragged remnants of tallgrass prairie clinging to the thin layer of gritty soil … Continue reading
And death shall have no dominion.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/i><\/p>\nStardate 2260.126, 2000 hours, Starfleet Medical, San Francisco<\/h3>\n
Stardate 2260.128, 1900 hours, Starfleet Temporary Quarters cafeteria, San Francisco<\/h3>\n
Stardate 2260.128, 2000 hours, Deck 20, Rec Area<\/h3>\n
Dead man naked they shall be one<\/i>
With the man in the wind and the west moon;<\/i>
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,<\/i>
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;<\/i>
Though they go mad they shall be sane,<\/i>
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;<\/i>
Though lovers be lost love shall not;<\/i>
And death shall have no dominion.<\/i>
\u00e2\u20ac\u201c Dylan Thomas<\/i><\/p>\n
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